Saturday, December 26, 2020

The Mystery of the Cougar

It was just another day in the life of Rita. She woke up with the sun, transferred to her wheelchair, and went to the kitchen to get the cat food she put out for four community cats: Little Mama, her two sons Munchkin and Ringtail, and Little Girl from another litter born at the same time. She opened the cabinet door and scooped two cups of food out of the container she kept the food in.

When Rita opened the door, she saw a man riding bareback on a white horse. People didn’t ride their horses back there. She watched him take the horse down the hill into the creek, where weeds had grown as high as the horse’s back. She looked away for a minute, and when she looked back, the horse was standing still without its rider.

Alarmed, Rita tried to think fast. Should she call 9-1-1? What happened to the rider? The horse appeared to be stepping purposely as if to stomp on a snake. Did the rider get thrown? About five minutes later, the rider appeared and climbed back on the horse. Then they rode out of the creek and back through the park.

The following day, Rita saw a woman carrying a bow and arrow… walking down through the high growth. This, too, was highly unusual. The huntress continued walking past Rita’s ability to see where she was headed, so she closed the door and continued with her morning tasks. But she could not get those two incidents out of her mind.

Filled with curiosity, Rita called out to Gertrude, Thomas, and Esmeralda… three mallard ducks that hung out together in the creek – known as the Quackers – because they often spread rumors. Most of the time, they just floated along quietly and peacefully with the current. Today, the noise of water splashing as they were taking their daily bath drowned out her voice. At last, a heron swooped down into the water toward them.

Heron: “Hey guys, the lady up there is trying to get your attention!”

Gertrude: “Oh!”

The ducks shook the remaining water off their feathers and waddled up out of the creek to Rita’s patio.

Esmeralda: “What’s up? Heron says you are trying to get our attention.”

Rita: “Did you see a white horse down here yesterday?”

Thomas: “I saw the white horse. Some stupid idiot rode it into the creek where the cougar was fishing for her breakfast. When the horse saw the cougar, he freaked and threw the idiot off into the water.”

Esmeralda: “Thomas, it’s not nice to call people stupid idiots.”

Thomas: “Sorry.”

Rita: “Thomas, did you say cougar? There was a cougar in the creek?”

Gertrude: “Oh, yes! Good thing we were way up the other part of the creek… or we could have been breakfast instead of the fish.”

Heron: “I only saw that cougar when there was a full moon. Maybe it is a vampire cougar.”

Just then, Squirly Squirrel appeared. “I saw the horse, the man, and the huntress, too. She raised her bow and arrow and shot the cougar in her chest. But what was strange is the cougar vanished.”

Rita: “Vanished?”

Squirly Squirrel: “Yes. Vanished. I saw it from the top of the tree.” Then, he picked up an acorn and ran back up the tree.

That afternoon, when Rita opened the door again, Little Mama was sitting still by the edge of the door looking down at the water dish. She looked very tired. Before Rita could say anything, Little Mama said, “Rita, I’ve come to say good-bye.”

Rita wasn’t sure, but she thought she saw a lot of blood on Little Mama’s chest. Alarmed, she opened the door, but Little Mama backed off and slowly walked away. Because Rita was wheelchair dependent, she couldn’t go out on foot to follow her.

Squirly Squirrel returned a short time later bringing his wife, Angela. “Angela has something to report.”

Angela: “I saw the huntress shoot the cougar. The cougar broke the main part of the arrow off just before she turned back into one of the neighborhood cats.”

Rita: “Oh, no! Could that be Little Mama? She was here earlier, and I could have sworn I saw blood on her chest.”

Rita went to her kitchen and looked up out the window to see Little Mama sleeping under her car. She got her mobility scooter out and rode over there but couldn’t do anything. When her attendant arrived, who had fourteen cats herself, she laid down on the ground and tried to get her out. But Little Mama didn’t want anyone touching her and somehow got the strength to run out from under the car and off to another part of the apartment complex. The attendant reported she saw a stick in her chest.

Little Mama didn’t show up for breakfast the next morning, and Rita was very worried. Squirly and Angela arrived and said, “We will run around and see if we can find her.”

Meanwhile, the other three cats were off somewhere doing their jobs as security officers… keeping mice, rats, and snakes under control. They returned late afternoon for a snack of dry cat food. Squirly was sitting on the stump on the side of the tree switching his tail around to get the cats’ attention.

Squirly chattered away at the cats. “Where have you been? We have an emergency!”

Ringtail: “Ground patrol. Five mice, one rat, and a snake. What’s the emergency?”

Squirly: “Something has happened to your mother. Rita wants to talk to you.”

Munchkin and Ringtail cautiously approached the patio where Rita was waiting.

Rita: “Hey guys, have you seen your mother?”

Munchkin: “Not since this morning at breakfast. What happened?”

Rita: “I think she was shot in the chest with an arrow.”

Ringtail: “Oh, no! I told her not to wander around the creek during full moon!”

Rita: “Why is that?”

Just then, their cousin Little Girl appeared. “What’s up?”

Munchkin: “Mama was shot with an arrow while she was a cougar!”

Rita: “Little Girl, do you know anything about this?”

Little Girl: “Yes. Auntie killed a baby snake last month. Her mother turned out to be a snake witch and cast a spell on her. The snake witch also sent for the huntress to shoot her.”

Rita: “Oh, my! What are we going to do? Mama won’t let anyone touch her… so we can’t get her to a vet.”

Little Girl: “I don’t think Auntie wants to be helped. That spell did more than just turn her into a cougar. It also was a spell of doom. She no longer wants to live.”

Rita went back inside, wishing she could catch Mama Kitty and get her wound treated. She looked up out her front window to see Squirly running across the parking lot. Angela soon followed. They saw Little Mama laying under a car in the next parking area and came back to tell Rita. She got her mobility scooter out to follow the squirrels. Just as she arrived, Little Mama climbed up into the motor of that car.

Rita: “Oh, no!!! If the lady who owns this car comes out to start it, she could be toast! What do I do?” After experiencing a few moments of panic, she decided to call the cat lady. Teri was the one who founded the TNR program and knew these cats. Even though she had been up most of the night, she decided to come out and assist. She brought a trap and blankets. Rita went to knock on the car owner’s door and asked her to open the hood. But Little Mama was a very smart cat and managed to get away. For an injured cat, she sure was fast… and was soon out of sight.

Meanwhile, the city had hired a goat keeper to bring a herd of goats to eat up the overgrowth in the creek. He had his goats in another area of the park when all these events occurred and were moving them in that evening. He happened to be walking by to count them when Teri returned that evening with additional traps. He asked them to wait for him to finish counting, and then he could talk to them. Teri and Rita filled him in on what was going on. He was relieved the cougar didn’t eat any of his goats and said he would keep his eyes out for her. Teri gave him her business card.

The following morning, Teri called Rita. The goat keeper called to tell her he found Mama Kitty. She had passed away further up the creek… and knowing how special she was, he buried her, placing an arrangement of rocks shaped like a cat on top to protect her. He also tied orange flags on nearby branches, so Rita could find her.

Munchkin, Ringtail, and Little Girl conducted a proper cat funeral. Some of the other nearby colony cats attended as well. Rita visited the site several times, and Teri said that Little Mama was now the angel of the creek.

 In memory of Mama Kitty who passed away in 2019.

Saturday, December 19, 2020

The Adventures of Gnat

Introduction: This story was inspired after a tiny nuisance of a gnat persistently tried to fly up my nose. I couldn’t help wonder, if one did, what would he see? Enjoy this little tale I weaved!

(Previously published as an audiobook and for Kindle.)

Gnat circled around the face of the new universe he found, looking for a way inside. It was a huge universe... oblong in shape, with four branches as well as mountains, valleys, and unusually odd colored tall grass. Alas, he found two black holes and decided to fly into one of them.

Blackness ensued... no light to be found. Zillions of cells were busy with diverse tasks. Gnat tried to find one that wasn't so busy, so he could ask what the center of this new universe was.

Suddenly, Gnat was swept away into its depths, where both colors and absence of color presented itself. There were both things and no-things. Existence and non-existence. Beginnings and endings. At first, Gnat tried to fight where he was being taken and held on to the closest cell he could find. But a sense of surrender overcame him, and he finally stopped fighting.

Gnat observed a beautiful interconnected universe with planets and stars. But what he found the most amazing was that each of the planets was interconnected with all the others by a stream of energy. As he floated along, he tried to feel the essence of this vast universe. Love. 

With love, all the cells peacefully flowed. Cells aged and died off while new cells were born. As long as love was present, the new cells were healthy. But if something else like fear and anger came into play, all the cells were affected negatively.

Gnat wondered… where is the center? Where is the source? How was this universe created? Just then, one of the cells grew larger and began to speak to him with telepathic words. “It all began with two cells which merged and began to multiply within a sensation of love.”

Gnat felt the pulse of the universe get stronger and faster... was a storm coming? Pounding sounds got louder and the pulse he felt earlier got faster. He looked around at the group of cells that suddenly began working harder to bring a rush of new oxygen to all the other cells. He tried to stop one and ask what was happening, but it said, “Not now! Can’t you see we are in a hurry?”

It seemed like forever before the activities quieted back down. Gnat had to sit out the commotion and wait out of everyone’s way before he could continue on his journey. 

He came upon an area that seemed brighter in contrast to darkness and a group of wise cells was guiding worker cells in their tasks. Some of the cells were carrying other dead cells to a place where they would be purged to somewhere else. He went up to the one he believed to be the leader and asked, “What are all these cells doing?”

The leader invited Gnat to sit down beside him and began to explain: “Cells are like the employees of a company. The company is the organ that the group of people forms. Multiple companies interact to provide the overall services that human beings need, such as electric—water—gas companies. The management of these companies will sometimes have partnering meetings to share information and find out where the strengths and weaknesses are with the goal of making improvements in the operation of the whole. Each person in each of these companies performs a specific job. Sometimes lots of companies will gather together to have business expos.”

The leader paused, and continued, “We are all inside a human body. Each cell in this body performs a specific job. When an employee becomes overwhelmed by stress, he/she may take action that will affect all those around him/her... spanning out into all other aspects of the company which will affect its function. When cells become distressed, it affects the organ that it is a part of, ultimately affecting all aspects of the human body it is a part of. The same thing happens when positive emotions such as love, compassion, and happiness are predominant.”

Gnat sighed, trying to digest all that he was told. Then he asked, “Could you give me another example? Explain it in another way?”

“Cells are also like the leaves of a tree. Each leaf is an organ made up of the cells that make it a leaf. Groups of leaves are on a branch. All the branches feed off of the trunk, the main source for the leaves’ nutrition. The trunk becomes a network of roots that go down into the earth... interconnecting with the cells of the soil which interconnects with the cells of the water. Leaves also photosynthesize the sun’s rays, along with moisture in the air and carbon dioxide, and provide oxygen for all other life forms to breathe. These life forms all have efficient filtering systems that carry out carbon dioxide and toxins. Sometimes trees will get sick with a fungus, and if it is not treated, the fungus can kill the tree. Life forms can contract a fungus or other disease which can sometimes be fatal.”

Gnat replied, “This makes a lot more sense to me. Since I am a tiny bug, I usually hang out in trees.” Then Gnat asked, “Do you know anything about ants?”

“Ahhh! Ants! Ants live in large co-operative colonies. In some ways, a colony of ants is similar to the cells of a human body. I am like an ant Queen. Most worker ants could be compared to red blood cells. Some worker ants have completely different responsibilities and could be compared to white blood cells. The complex tunnel systems ants create in the ground could be compared to the arteries, veins, and neural pathways inside this body.”

After thinking the ant explanation over for a few minutes, Gnat asked, “Do cells have friends?”

“There are groups of cells that hang out together, so I guess you could compare them to a human having friends.”

Gnat contemplated all he was told, and then a huge burning question rose inside of him. “How long do cells live?”

“Boy, you sure ask some deep questions! Let me see… I’ll start with the ones who live the briefest lives and end with the ones that live the longest. Sound good to you?”

“Yes, it does.” Gnat replied.

“These are the ones I know of at the top of my head. Certain cells of the digestive tract live for only a few days. Sperm cells have a life span of only about three days. Colon cells die off after about four days. Skin cells live about two or three weeks. Some immune system cells can live for up to six weeks. Red blood cells live for about four months. Pancreatic cells can live for as long as a year. White blood cells live on average more than a year. Brain cells typically last an entire lifetime.”

It got quiet for about five minutes as Gnat and the leader cell breathed slowly and deeply. Then Gnat asked another question. “Do cells ever commit suicide?”

“Yes, sometimes they do. When a cell becomes damaged or undergoes some type of infection, it will self-destruct. A cell’s inability to self-destruct can result in the development of cancer.”

“Thank you for taking the time to explain all of this to me. Would you be able to guide me back to where I came?”

“I’m afraid not. I’ll have to take you somewhere else and have a guard escort you out. But first, I have some very important tasks to complete before I can do that.”

“OK, Gnat replied.”

“It was nice getting to know you, said the leader.”

“Yes, indeed, said Gnat.”

Four hours later, the leader cell finished his tasks and returned to Gnat to take him to the guards. One of the guards escorted Gnat back through the tunnels from which he came. Brightness became darkness, which then became blinding while his eyes tried to adapt to daylight again. Just as Gnat got to the back of the edge of the sinus, a severe earthquake rocked his world. Little did he know that he had caused the slightest tickle which produced a reaction of a terrific sneeze.

Suddenly, Gnat found himself catapulting faster than he’d ever traveled before. Out of the nostril, he flew and smacked so hard into a tree trunk, that the breath was knocked out of him. After a while, he regained rhythmic breathing and was able to return to his Gnat family, eager to tell them about all his adventures.

The End.

Sunday, September 6, 2020

The ABCs of What a Depressive Episode Feels Like

I had quite a few good months. My natural self is optimistic. I could say affirmations like, “I am one day closer to getting … " and really believe it. What, I asked myself, changed or occurred since then? I asked all the usual questions that included, “Is it something I ate?” It is no longer good enough for me to blame hormone changes on my moods. I used to take antidepressants when I fell into these episodes and stayed on them to avoid them all together. Ultimately, while the anti-d helped temporarily, they had their own consequences. At the end of this post, I wrote what the solution turned out to be (for me).

Below is the list of what I experience from A-Z. I’m not kidding, when all of these converge simultaneously, it is extremely uncomfortable (an understatement). It is not uncommon for an episode to occur after experiencing stress… both the good stress of excitement (I found a van and sold my car) and one such as the explosion that went off near my apartment the other day during a thunderstorm. I’m pretty sure something blew up by my apartment when lightning struck. I thought about the people who endure this sound on battlefields on a daily basis. It would have been nice if lightning could fizzle everything on the following list so it doesn’t come up to taunt me ever again.

Change. Many changes came up in front of me all at once. There’s always a day in the fall when all the leaves of most of all the trees fall like rain. Within a week, the following occurred. I found my ideal van -- a 2002 Ford E150 that was converted with a remote-operated lift and power doors, an alternate hand control in addition to foot pedals, and the driver’s seat comes back and swivels to transfer. The seat is comfortable, it is easy to drive, and I can even see over the dashboard. In order to get it, I put my car up for sale. It sold within hours. I am in shock that it is no longer in my parking space. As for the van, it is 18 years old and needs repairs before I can use it. Every day I don’t see it in my parking space feels like an eternity. My beloved attendant gave her notice. I could always depend on her. I feel the pain and grief of empty nest syndrome. The new one I was supposed to get never showed up, so I had to fend for myself last week. Fending for myself involves increased pain, loneliness, and exhaustion. The agency that services me has lousy communication which is quite frustrating. They don’t seem to have a system of notes that all the employees have access to. Frustration mounts as each communication error piles up. Have you ever waited with anticipation for someone to arrive and they never show up?

When things stop working, it’s time to buy a new one. My Epson all-in-one doesn’t scan anymore. I found this out when I decided to scan my songs to upload into Google Drive after someone suggested it would be a good idea to have all my music on hand… just in case I come upon an opportunity I had lost hope in ever manifesting. I felt like the Epson was contributing to killing my dream. I took it personally. Making decisions is not one of the strengths I can boast about. I had no idea what to replace it with. I felt frustrated. Fortunately, a trusted friend came to the rescue and made that decision for me. Now I wait… for it to arrive via Fed Ex… with notifications warning me that due to COVID, shipments are likely to be delayed. I was thinking that with Labor Day sales, it would be a good time to buy a new one and was advised to order one NOW because due to COVID, manufacturing of computers and computer equipment has slowed way down. Ordinarily, I would think this was a high-pressure sales pitch, but another friend had just told me she tried to replace her laptop but everyone was out-of-stock. In my somewhat isolated life, I had forgotten how much COVID had disrupted everyone’s life. I found myself sad about everyone who was affected. Now for the ABCs.

A = Absolute. All or nothing. Amnesia. Achy. Angry. Aggravated. Agitated. Annoyed. Abandoned.

B = Bitter. Bed. Bull s**t. What I feel like saying because I am fed up with (everything). Bumping into everything with my scooter.

C = Change. Catastrophe. Everything is a catastrophe. Claustrophobic. Crabby. Crazy.

D = Desperate Dissociation. Diving into the Deep. Defeated. Disappointed. Dissatisfied. Depressed.

E = Everything is going wrong. Explosive. Exhausted. Envy Everyone.

F = Fatalistic. Fatigued. Forever. Frustrated. Fearful. Flustered.

G = Garbage. Grumpy. Gloomy. Glum. Grieving.

H = Hot flashes, especially during the night. Hungry. Hopeless. Humiliated. Homesick.

I = Irritable. Insomnia. Inconsistency. Impatient. Isolated.

J = Jumpy. Jittery. I seem to drop everything I pick up. Jealous.

K = Knock over. I seem to knock everything over I come close to.

L = Lies. I feel like everyone is lying to me. Lonely. Longing. Letdown.

M = Maybe. Too many maybes. I need to KNOW for SURE.

N = Nothing. Nothing satisfies me. Nobody loves me. Not even me. Neglected. Needy.

O = Oppressed.

P = Printer. The scanner on my printer died. PTSD. Pessimistic.

Q = Quesy.

R = Remorse. Resentment. Racing mind.

S = Sinking. Suffocating. Starving. Shame. Suffering. Scared. Stressed. Sleepy.

T = Tomorrow. Maybe I will feel better tomorrow. Terrified. Tormented. Teary.

U = Unknown. Uncomfortable. Unhappy.

V = Volatile. Vulnerable. Van. I was all excited about getting a van, but I can’t use it until it is fixed.

W = What is happening to me? Weary. Worried. Weak. Withdrawn.

X = Xcruciating.

Y = Yearning.

Z = Zombie.

Now that I’ve said my ABCs, I will tell you about the wisdom that came through after about two weeks of this.

First, I sat down in front of my committee of little 5-year-old dolls to hear what they had to say. I didn’t get much of an answer. I think they may have been afraid to speak up.

Memory: Ah ha! I did what my doctor advised and stopped taking Vitamin D because my blood levels were nice and high! Didn’t I learn NOT to do what doctors suggested? I felt better than I had in a really long time with the level that high. I pulled out my bottle of Energetix Vitamin D2-K2 Lipospray and sprayed some under my tongue.

Memory: Irritability, racing mind, and hot flashes turned out to be symptoms that my hypothalamus needed support. I was irritable about EVERYTHING and hot flashes were depriving me of much-needed sleep. Did you know the hypothalamus controls your body temperature? I put a dropper of Energetix Hypothalmapath under my tongue. 


Memory: Essential oils: of course! I have oils that are supposed to help improve your mood… including a blend called Cheer.

I was absolutely amazed. Within HOURS I felt so much better! I felt like I was ME again. Optimism returned with really believing I am one day closer to getting situations resolved. For you, it may not be your hypothalamus or low Vitamin D levels. It is best to get tested… blood test and bio energetically. The root cause can be anything from food sensitivities, dehydration, not enough sleep or exercise, estrogen dominance, the death of a loved one or situation, loss from a fire-flood-tornado, an illness or accident, or damage to the brain from a head injury or trauma.

I suppose you can also blame it on the full moon.

Meanwhile, in a moment of synchronicity, I just received an email from the Food Revolution Network with this post. Have more time to read? 



Tuesday, August 11, 2020

A Mac Truck in a Small Parking Lot

Have you ever felt like you've been run over by a mac truck?

Have you ever felt like you were trying to get around in a small parking lot in one?

Do you ever wonder how a handicapped person gets around inside their apartment? Or do you take it for granted they just can?

I'm attempting to create humor here as sometimes my patience is thin. It depends on how tired I am. Since people who have fibromyalgia often say they feel like they've been run over by a mac truck; I feel like I am trying to maneuver a mac truck in a small parking lot.

About two months ago, I began using my Drive Scout Mobility Scooter in my apartment. Fortunately, this apartment is wheelchair accessible... mostly. In a manual wheelchair, I could go forward into the bathroom and small kitchen, but couldn't turn around. There is certainly no room to swivel a regular electric wheelchair around. I'd still have to back them in to get certain things done. They are low to the ground, so reaching up over counters is a painful strain.

My scooter has a swivel seat and is higher, so I thought I'd give this mini mac truck a try in my small parking lot... I mean apartment. It's like trying to get into a public restroom that says it is accessible but really isn't. This happened at a Walmart store. I was able to get in, but because of the placement of the door, it was impossible to reach over the handlebars to pull it open to the left and get out. Who engineered these things?

Since I started using the scooter, it has been easier to reach kitchen counters by swiveling the seat. However, when I ride forward into the kitchen, I must back out... around the bend. Tight squeeze. The entrance is not in a very convenient place... the back door to the back patio is. But these apartments are supposedly wheelchair accessible. Ouch, every time I hit a wall, door, corner, or anything else I collide with. Not ouch to me, ouch to the scooter and the things I run into. In order to get into the refrigerator and cabinets on the far end (far for me), I must back in... around the corner. Back, forward, back, forward, until I get lined up enough to get around the bend. There's usually additional forward, back, forward, back to get into position without hugging the cabinets on either side. My kitchen reminds me of the RVs I used to live in.

To the bathroom is around a corner where I park in front of the bathroom door, swivel the seat, transfer to a stool, and scoot across the far end (feels far to me) to the toilet. There's no room to turn around, so I must back out to the other end of the hallway before turning the bend to return to the living area. I don't always calculate this turn without needing to realign and try again. This becomes a major obstacle when I tried doing this in the middle of the night in the dark... but turning on a light was too much shell shock to my senses... and being half asleep didn't help my driving ability. I'd Y turn to get out of the bedroom, steer around the bend into the hallway, pull up the bathroom door, etc. Back out into the living area to turn around and drive back into the bedroom. I finally gave up and put my camping toilet in the bedroom.

"Y" turns take a lot of practice in a scooter. Forward, back, forward, back, until I can get it lined up to back out without taking the wall with me. Reverse across a larger area takes a lot of practice, too. So does patience. I can back into my work station and swivel to use my computer. Many times, though, this takes multiple tries until I get lined up comfortably. 

I love having the floor of the scooter to put things on for transport... especially heavier items like a gallon jug of water. I love having the basket in front to put things in for transport and carry basic necessities around with like a bottle of water, a pad of paper, lozenges, portable cell phone charger, and more.

I did check into what the two other wheelchair accessible type units are like. They are the same except for no wall between the living area and the kitchen. Not enough improvement to make it worth moving again... not that the people already in those units plan to move anytime soon.

By the way, the first thing I tried was a small salon stool on wheels. It worked great scooting all over the apartment until the wheels got dirty, wouldn't roll easily anymore, and when I elevated the seat to get to the counters, the top came out of the base and nearly spilled me onto the floor. This is the one I use in the bathroom now. It stays in the down position. I then tried a larger one. When I elevated it up, I found out I am not heavy enough to get it back down again. And the seat was too big, so I kept sliding off until I placed a piece of rubber shelf liner on it. It didn't work out, and I gave it away to someone else who needed one... and is a larger, heavier person than I am.

What color is my mac truck? It's black with red trim!


Wednesday, July 22, 2020

New Release!


This is a story I began writing many years ago but had not decided what to do with it. I've written other short stories, but this one wanted to be its own book. I did update the ending to bring it up-to-date. It is about 4,300 words, 34 pages. Available as a paperback (because I wanted one for my bookshelf) and Kindle.

The dreams I recorded in a journal over the years included scenes about World War II, a library I'd never personally visited, a collapsing stairway, and a theme park.

Years later, I was able to see similarities between the dreams and interesting life encounters with the Rabbi I met, the psychic I met, and the interconnectedness of life experiences and people.

The final chapter is my fantasy of being healed by extraterrestrials with advanced technology.

Saturday, June 27, 2020

New Release!


New Release! I've updated the 2020 Edition to include current information about self-publishing your own book (CreateSpace doesn't exist anymore), reorganized content, updated the index and table of contents. I've also made it available for Kindle to use along with a blank journal. You can Look inside from a computer to get a preview. If you purchased an older version of this book and would like a current one, contact me. Some of the pages can be previewed with the Look inside feature from a computer.

Introduction

The purpose of this journal is to assist you with all aspects of your life, beginning with revisiting your childhood and reconnecting to the playful, adventurous part of yourself who dreamed big dreams and had an amazing imagination. I, as the author, encourage you to go on the journey. This isn’t about feeling bad about what happened if bad things did happen. This is about exploring what conclusions you made as a result of your life circumstances and learning to acknowledge, love, accept, forgive, and move the stagnant subconscious energies out of your mind and out of your body.

We all are traveling an amazing journey of self-discovery. There are always new life lessons to learn. Shifting your beliefs about all things earthly can transform your life. We become who we think we will become. We develop beliefs that do not serve us, our higher good, or the good of our planet.

There are many self-help books out there. I know. I’ve read a LOT of them. I even included some of the titles in this book. I wanted something simple with few words but big impact. I wanted a book that could be a companion guide for upcoming workshops when I succeed in putting them together.

For those who are thinking about writing a memoir, this book can help you organize your thoughts and provide a foundation for you to begin.

Sunday, June 7, 2020

Bucket Theory

I grew up on the coast of Massachusetts, across the street from a small private beach. We could walk a short distance to get there. No public parking was available. It was PRIVATE. We collected seashells and pretty rocks, along with unintentional grains of sand. We walked along the edge of the ocean, feeling the sensation of waves washing in over our feet and washing out again.


I don't know about you, but I like to collect things. I also collected experiences, stress, worry, memories, toxins, sugar, viruses, and a host of other things that were detrimental to my health... filling up my bucket without the awareness that it could only hold so much before overflowing.

I think it was Bri of Complete Chiropractic and Wellness Center who first told me about the Bucket and explained how one additional grain-of-sand-sized thing can make it overflow, triggering a meltdown of PTSD, fatigue, pain, and illness. A grain of sand can include things like a thought, bad news, indigestion, an argument, an uncomfortable memory, insomnia, a flat tire, an invasion of ants, or a surprise bill.

I've been learning more about PTSD, an automatic reaction by our brilliantly designed bodies when gasoline is thrown on our internal fire. I purchased Anatomy 360 by Dr. Jamie Roebuck to increase my awareness of just how brilliant my body is. Wow. After looking at all the pictures, I am even more determined to spend time dwelling on all of that vs. what spins non-stop in my mind.

Two new docu-series/summits were released that I have been watching: Overcoming PTSD and Proven: Healing Breakthroughs Backed by Science. While these two are completely separate productions, both have the same basic information: understanding your body and how it reacts when your bucket overflows, along with proven methods of improving and hopefully, recovering.

In the realm of parts, mainstream medicine treats symptoms (with surgery and medications) vs. digging for root causes that include stress, trauma, and nutrition. I've known this for many years now. What I didn't realize is how the integration of 'systems' affects us. I didn't know that trauma (of any kind) resulted in chronic inflammation and auto-immune reactions. I didn't know that our unbelievably efficient immune system can't tell the difference between what type of stress the body is dealing with, it just declares war when it sees the bucket overflow.

Awareness is the key. Now that I am more aware, I can take proactive steps to bring the fires down to embers. For me, getting a handle on the original trauma(s) is the key. There are many modalities and therapies in the industry of trauma recovery out there that cost money. However, with COVID-19, in addition to the information about handling COVID itself, suddenly, there is a wealth of free information on trauma and what you can do about it. It's all about calming down the ANS -- the autonomic nervous system. The definition in Wikipedia is:

"The autonomic nervous system is a control system that acts largely unconsciously and regulates bodily functions, such as the heart rate, digestion, respiratory rate, pupillary response, urination, and sexual arousal. This system is the primary mechanism in control of the fight-or-flight response."

In case you are one of many panicking and going crazy with all the systems that were put into place around COVID, it is the fear and anxiety that drains your immune system and increases your chances of getting sick. If you have other unhealthy habits in addition to fear and anxiety, this is an opportunity to do what is in your control: learn how to treat your body like it is a garden. Put as much love into it as you do with your flowers and plants. Let some of the load out of your bucket.

My personal plan of action includes prioritizing mindfulness (being in the present moment), meditating, drinking adequate amounts of water, avoiding foods and the news I know overflow my bucket, use the collection of essential oils I have, activate my vagus nerve, practice Donna Eden's energy-meridian balancing routines (she even has one for calming anxiety--you can find some on YouTube), and grounding by placing my bare feet on the garden rocks out in front of my apartment.

Rocks. I just discovered I could get grounded by placing my feet on rocks while sitting in my wheelchair. I had been paranoid about being barefoot in the grass due to the high number of fire ants that share space here, so I didn't try it. But when the management company redid the landscape two years ago, they provided areas of river rocks out front. I got my dose this morning. It really worked. I felt the difference in my body... and imagined I was back on that beach again.

Saturday, May 30, 2020

Jigsaw Puzzle Therapy

I've been working on improving brain function with jigsaw puzzles and have noticed a significant improvement in even the ability to read faster and comprehend more of what I read. Many articles on aging include the necessity of maintaining your cognitive function. I initially got started as a means to pass the time.

In https://classifieds.usatoday.com/uncategorized/the-surprising-benefits-of-puzzle-solving-for-adults/

"Solving puzzles helps reinforce existing connections between our brain cells. It also increases the generation of new relationships. This, in turn, improves mental speed and thought processes. Jigsaw puzzles are especially good for improving short-term memory. Our short-term memory helps us remember shapes and colors and visualize the bigger picture to figure out which pieces will fit together."

In addition to improved memory, benefits include better problem-solving skills, improved visual-spatial skills, improved mood, keeping your brain active to delay dementia and Alzheimer's, lower stress levels, increased attention to detail, and an increase in productivity.

I had been doing a lot of Word-Find puzzles and even wrote a previous blog post about it. Now I am on jigsaw marathon. Perhaps, I can call it jigsaw meditation. While working on them, I can zone out for hours at a time... which is not necessarily a good thing as I also disconnect from what my body is doing... like slouching. In addition to the few I already owned, I borrowed from the apartment complex community room and from the girl who comes during the week to assist me.

When I first open the box of a new jigsaw puzzle, I scan the pieces. Are they all the same? Are they thick or thin? Do they have drastically different shapes? I wonder whether I will be able to complete it or not. (Self-doubt.) Some have been relatively easy, but some have been especially difficult. The more difficult ones include 3D, watercolor paintings, and ones with mostly backgrounds of a similar color.

How can I compare this with life? When I enter a room full of people, I scan the room. Who is there? Who is not? Who are they sitting with? Who would I like to sit with? People. Relationships. When I first meet someone, I wonder if we will connect or if we will be drastically different. I wonder about their personalities, their life experiences, whether they are simple-minded or complex. How much personal information I can safely share with them. Sometimes, everyone in the room is the same nationality. Sometimes, there is a mix. Sometimes, one person of a different nationality is in a room full of people who are all the same. Since I would feel odd in that situation, I wonder if they do.

With 3D puzzles, depending on the time of day and the lighting, the colors and images keep changing. Inconsistency. I think of 3D as 3 dimensional. Our 3-dimensional world includes the senses: sight, smell, hearing, tasting, and touching. Yet there is also 4D and 5D that a person must develop the ability to understand in order to believe in those dimensions. In energy medicine, 4D and 5D are included in your overall assessment. Doing a 3D puzzle requires a newer level of patience on my part. Perhaps I am to develop a newer level of patience with people.

I wonder how many new brain synapses are forming as my eyes get accustomed to looking at something that continuously changes. I've noticed how the 3D puzzle stimulates parts of my brain that eventually figures out how the variations of the pieces fit together. I may have to take long breaks between pieces, but then I am enthralled when I return to "know" and remember where new pieces belong.

This is what happens in my life. Perhaps yours, too. The epiphany.

Just over a week ago, someone gifted me with a Thomas Kinkade puzzle... watercolor. I looked at this puzzle being 1,000 pieces of watercolor splotches and felt overwhelmed without even trying it. I am fully aware of how many times I have done this with life. I looked at the entire situation with anxiety vs. the mentality that one piece at a time is all I needed to tackle, and eventually, the project would get done, especially if all the pieces are there, or the situation would work out.

With many watercolor paintings, there are no definitive lines. Life has no definitive lines. The only thing certain is change. After already giving up on a previous watercolor puzzle, I accepted the gift from both the person and the Universe as an opportunity to expand the capacity of my brain. I must rely on fitting shapes together vs. colors. I must take a different approach to solving the problem. I have to take many breaks to give my brain a chance to catch up with the new synapses it is developing.

In my book, Appearances: A Journey of Self-Discovery, I wrote a chapter titled Jigsaw Puzzles.

"My life is a giant jigsaw puzzle, with God the only one who knows what the completed picture looks like. I receive more pieces with each experience. It may take hours, days, weeks, months, or years for me to figure out how they fit, but when I do figure out where the pieces go, and I step back to look at how it is coming together, I am always amazed. Piece by piece, I am formed by the many experiences I have. I wonder how old I will be before it will be finished, whether it's completion will happen as I make my transition to the spirit world, or whether I will have an opportunity to study and observe the completed puzzle when I get old and life slows down."

Well, I sure was surprised when the last piece found its spot. I can't believe my brain managed to process and complete what felt like a monumental task. There were times it seemed like my brain even knew where to find a piece from one of many trays I use to organize them after looking at an empty spot on the board. I decided this one is going up on my bedroom wall to remind me that in life...


...many times, we must rely on and trust our intuition (6th sense) vs. 3D senses. Everything always works out... even if it is very different than what you hope for. 

Saturday, May 2, 2020

Morphing

I’ve gone through so many metamorphoses I’ve lost count. With each ‘phase,’ I have lost interest in what I had previously been interested in and developed an entirely new set of interests. As you can see in this post, I am comparing my experience to insects.

Some insects shed their skin multiple times as they mature. I’m sure it must be a painful process. It was painful each time I had to shed mine. My skins included homes, most everything IN my homes, friends, and jobs; hobbies, what kinds of books I liked to read, and what kind of poetry and songs I have written; health challenges I developed and overcame; beliefs, emotions, and mental states; feeling social and outgoing and wanting to hibernate; foods I liked, no longer like, and now all the new foods I like.

https://www.colonialpest.com/how-insects-grow/

“When an insect is about to molt, it looks for a hidden place. Molting can take hours, during which the insect is not able to protect itself. The old skin splits open down the back. Then the insect works to pull every part of its body, including its antennae and legs, out of the old skin covering. It’s a difficult process and the insect isn’t always successful. Some die during molting.”

I have hidden, isolated, withdrawn, and have even disassociated during molts. The trouble is, I had no idea I was molting. No one taught me that humans molt, too. Each molt was extremely difficult, and I often wondered if I would survive them. I’ve even had a few close calls with death. There were times I felt like I walked completely out of who I was and became someone else.

Then there are butterflies and moths.


http://www.butterflyschool.org/new/meta.html

“Butterflies and moths go through a life cycle known as complete metamorphosis. The stages of their life cycle include egg, larva, pupa, and adult.”

Life cycles. Conception, fetus, birth, infant, toddler, preschool, middle school, high school, 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, and now 60’s.

I sincerely hope I don't have to molt again.

Saturday, April 25, 2020

On the Move: Autobiography of a Survivor

Wouldn't it be nice to have software that can analyze all your life experiences and provide a report of your soul lessons? And when you "graduate," you become one of many teachers you learned from? I really DO wish software like this exists, but to my knowledge, it doesn't. I am still figuring all that out for myself.

Introducing... my latest book: On the Move: Autobiography of a Survivor.



Book Description

I’m still here. I am a survivor. However, I didn’t realize it during years of experiencing one situation after another with adrenaline rushes that wreaked havoc on my health. Resilience wasn’t in my constitution or my vocabulary. I wandered through life searching relentlessly for meaning and love in all the wrong places through the distorted lens of my false beliefs and programming. While this book is filled with my stories from the past, for the most part, I choose to let them live in my books while I create new, improved stories for my life. Prepare for a wild ride through the roller-coaster of a lifetime.

Preface

I’m still here. I am a survivor. However, I didn’t realize it during years of experiencing one situation after another with adrenaline rushes that wreaked havoc on my health. Resilience wasn’t in my constitution or my vocabulary. I’ve endured and survived childhood abuse, trauma, chronic stress, depression, way too many dysfunctional relationships, date rape, abuse and rape from partners, abortion, walking away from all my possessions, being a single parent, abandonment, car accidents, chronic pain, Epstein-Barr viruses, chronic fatigue, adrenal fatigue, losing my job, getting on disability, becoming wheelchair dependent, shame, self-loathing, homelessness, un-friendly roommates, slumlords, prescription drug withdrawal, disassociation, and moving 43 times. If life is an education, I’ve obtained a whopper of one. I wandered through life searching relentlessly for meaning and love in all the wrong places through the distorted lens of my false beliefs and programming. I was also a scaredy-cat, so I often up and moved when a situation became uncomfortable.

Meanwhile, in between all the above chaos, life was good. I lived in some very nice places, had mostly great jobs, got to do some traveling, and met a lot of interesting people. At one point I realized I was getting help from the spiritual realm whenever things got too intense.

Just like a parent must allow their children to become independent, solve their own problems, and manage their own lives, it seemed my spiritual helpers were doing the same for me. They didn’t interfere unless they felt it was necessary… or I cried out for help. Perhaps had I had a different type of career (I think of journalism in third world countries and other dangerous places), all my experiences would have been part of the job.

Ultimately, I wanted to do more than just exist like I saw so many other people doing. I wrote poetry, songs, letters, journals, short stories, blog posts, and books. I also kept logs of every job I had, place I lived, man I ‘dated,’ car I owned, and educational course I took.

Meanwhile, I had majored in business in high school and acquired typing, bookkeeping, and secretarial skills. Thus, despite all the chaos, I could always find and keep a job. I was dependable and rarely stayed home when I didn’t feel well, or the stress of a living situation overwhelmed me. When I had to move to an area that had temp agencies, I would get temp assignments which inevitably became full-time, permanent positions. Even though I didn’t go on to college after high school, I often took a class at a local community college, eventually accumulating enough credits to transfer to University of Phoenix and obtained a bachelor’s degree. If a company I worked for offered continuing education, I took advantage of that, too.

While this book is filled with my stories from the past, for the most part, I choose to let them live in my books while I create new, improved stories for my life. I combined content from two books I previously self-published: Appearances: A Journey of Self-Discovery and Love, Life, & God: Getting Past the Pain. Appearances was written by topic vs. chronological order, but the content needed to be modified so it would be compatible with the content of the second book. Thus, I reorganized it all to fit in with a timeline based on the logs I kept.

Linda Roper, the narrator of these two books for Audible, had asked if I considered combining them into one, but at the time, I couldn’t figure out how. Then, when I began to think about getting coaching for speaking as an author, I felt compelled to condense these two books down into one, eliminating the fill-ins such as poetry, song lyrics, quotes, stories about cats, stories about chickens, stories about mice, and more. My goal is to use my stories in speaking but with the focus on the transformation that occurred that made me who I am today.

Chapters 1 through 18 are out of Appearances which I wrote in 1998. In 2013, someone asked me how I ended up in Texas. Since it was a lonnggg story, I sat down and wrote Love, Life, & God. Content from my third memoir titled, Living With Symptomatic Spondylolisthesis: A Personal Survival Guide (2019) is not included. The names of some of the people have been changed to protect their privacy.

<><><> 

A note on the word meanwhile: I use this word quite often to alert the reader that an event had been taking place in the midst of other events going on in the chapters. This eliminated the challenge of writing events in chronological order by date… which was almost impossible in many circumstances.
____

 1The Beginning

Once upon a time, I was a tiny egg… fertilized by a sperm. I grew… miraculously… into a human being… entering this world on October 29, 1955, the second oldest of six children.

(and the book continues)

Monday, March 30, 2020

Howl's Moving Castle

I've been binge-watching Studio Ghibli movies... and watched Howl's Moving Castle with my attendant. When it was over, and I expressed my delight about it, she told me there was also a book. I ordered it off of Amazon and read it in three days. 

The movie is based on the book but the scenes are very different. However, the main things I got out of both were the same. There are elements of suspense and danger; good vs. evil; courage vs. fear. I began relating the scenes to aspects of my own life as well as what is going on in the world around us. 

Sofie is a young, beautiful girl who thinks she is ugly. Just like I was. The Witch of the Waste put a spell on her and turned her into an old woman. I have certainly felt like I've had that spell put on me, too. But unlike I was, she is resilient... and not afraid to face people who are mean-spirited or moody. She is courageous... and walked miles through rough terrain to reach her destination.

Howl is a wizard. Sofie went looking for him hoping he could break the spell the Witch of the Waste put on her. She arrived as an old woman, believing the only place she can go is to this castle. Inside, she finds it absolutely filthy, which reminded me of how dirty my son's room was as well as the homes some men (and some women) I have known were. She declared herself a cleaning lady and went to town cleaning and scrubbing every part of the castle... despite the resistance she received from its inhabitants. I thought about the neatnik I am, cleaning every inch of my living space.

Sophie easily stands up to Howl's cranky behavior, firmly reprimands him, she sees through his behavior, and chooses to see his kindness... the same kindness that allowed her and another apprentice to live in his castle. I had also chosen to look past the behavior of boys and men, choosing to see the good in them. But I didn't know how to be assertive like Sofie.

Despite his power and expertise, Howl must battle the evil the Witch of the Waste had done, putting spells on people that he couldn't figure out how to reverse. He is stuck emotionally as a teenager constantly concerned about his looks and impressing girls. In the book, he spends hours in the bathroom preparing for a date. If a girl he is pursuing rejects him, he comes back depressed and turns into slime which oozes all over the castle. I loved this visual. He had a reputation of kidnapping girls and eating their hearts... typical of most of the boys and men I was involved with who pursued me only until I fell in love with them. I felt like they had eaten my heart, too.

The castle itself is a grand invention that reminded me of some of the things my nephew invented. Maybe Howl had Aspergers, too. He even had similar meltdowns. There is a magic knob inside by the door... and depending on what setting it is put on, the door opens to completely different landscapes. I compared this to my own environment.

One of the knob settings of my life opens the door to the current pandemic. I peek out, become aware, get educated, practice recommended precautions, then close that door and turn the knob again. My front door looks out onto a parking lot and other apartment buildings. My back door looks out onto the creek, beautiful with trees, grass, blooming flowers, squirrels, birds, deer, and community cats. 

I already know the consequences of stress, worry, and anxiety. It is what it is. The only thing within my control is how I react to it. 

In the movie the enemy drops bombs, destroying communities just like COVID-19 is doing. And after much destruction, the people who remain pick up what is left and rebuild. Even my own great grandparents did this. I am alive today because people in that generation survived the holocaust... and the world wars. I have faith that no matter what happens, people will recover and rebuild.

Since I have experienced being fractured as a result of too much stress, I thought about COVID-19 being fractured as a result of the stress humans have caused to the planet. It's her only defense. 

What is within my control? Meditation and visualization. I began to visualize the virus as a stressed-out fractured entity defending itself against the onslaught of torturous activities such as fracturing, deforestation, and pollution. Now that she has succeeded in putting the brakes on that assault, I began to visualize loving this entity back into integration just like I learned therapists can do with people who suffer from trauma. I see in my mind's eye all its particles collecting in one place, being contained, and going into the center of the earth to be purified in molten lava. It is a visual I learned when I took ThetaHealing classes to release and purify our own toxic energy.

Sophie managed to walk through miles of rough terrain, even though she complained the entire way, to get to where she needed to go. With COVID, I see our emergency responders and healthcare workers courageously walking through the unexpected, the unplanned, and the unknown.

We can all be scaredy cats during the current dilemma or see it as a challenge for a wizard. In the story, Howl takes on an apprentice who spends days on end trying to figure out how to make a spell work. The wizards of the world are studying how the virus operates. They are wizards, even wizards in training, bravely experimenting with 'spells' to come up with a way to defeat it. We can choose to support their efforts with positive prayer, meditation, and visualization. But fear is known in every spiritual community to feed the evil energies. This is yet one more opportunity to shift fear into love to diminish its power. 

By the end of the book and movie, love, indeed, prevails. Spells are broken, and people's lives go back to normal. It is a message. We can do this, too.

Tuesday, March 10, 2020

Verbal Judo

...The Gentle Art of Persuasion by George J. Thompson, Ph.D. and Jerry B. Jenkins. Updated Edition.

I believe the best teachers are people who have learned from experience. Including me. I will also say each and every one of the adverse situations I experienced felt draining and oftentimes hopeless. If only I knew while I was in the midst of them what was waiting for me on the other side.

My favorite kinds of books are written by people who include their personal life experiences with the lessons they teach. One example of this type of book is Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion. This book was recommended by a fellow classmate in the course, Powerful Tools for Caregivers. It is filled with different types of situations and suggested ways to handle them, including what to say. In case you need this, Chapter 20 is on How to Fight Fair: Four Steps to a Good Domestic Dispute. 

Before becoming a police officer, George was a teacher. At the beginning of the book, George was 23 years old and found himself teaching a class of hateful juvenile delinquents in an alternative high school. When they refused to cooperate, he discovered by using empathy (standing in another’s shoes and understanding where he’s coming from) and focusing on their strengths vs. their weaknesses by suggesting each kid teach the rest of the class about what they were good at, their low self-worth which reflected in their attitudes transformed into confidence. Students proceeded to graduate with some even getting accepted into college. He managed to refrain from adding additional verbal abuse to what they had already endured.

I highly recommend you read this book to get out of it what you need, but for my own benefit as well as yours in case you don't have time to read it, I will highlight key points based on my own perspective, life situations, and personal needs. If you are a police officer or otherwise in a role which requires more ‘ammunition,’ read the book and perhaps take the seminar. There are tools in the book that apply to all types of situations, including marriages, children, teaching, employment, management, ministerial, or any other position of authority. 

I took a class in Judo many years ago, so I was already familiar with the concept of staying calm when confronted and using the opponent’s own force against them while you remained calm and grounded. I had no idea you could apply these same concepts to verbal communication. No matter what anyone is saying to you or yelling at you, do your best to remain calm and redirect their emotional energy back to them vs. letting it assault you. Just like you can learn to deflect someone striking at you physically with Judo, you can deflect insults as well.

The most common abuse on the planet is verbal abuse. I grew up with it, and without realizing it, I kept attracting more of it into my life. People will most likely heal from physical wounds and abuse but will most likely carry the scars of verbal abuse for the rest of their lives. Remember when I wrote about amygdala hijacks? There’s no sense in jumping into their cyclone and going down with them. You can learn to soften the blows of past verbal abuse by learning new communication skills. You can sway people to comply with your requests without throwing fuel on the fires of their emotions. Thus, the subtitle, The Gentle Art of Persuasion. 

Most of the time, most of what is being said is coming from being emotionally triggered and has nothing to do with you at all. Restate (paraphrase) what you think you heard which invites further conversation. If your emotions are too intense, suggest they give you a minute, a night, or a day to respond so you can calm back down before discussing the situation again. And when it comes to your children, never declare punishment in the heat of emotion. State what you are upset about and send them to their room with “we’ll discuss what will be done about this in the morning” kind of thing.

I think about how I used to freeze whenever I was confronted by an intimidating person. Learning self-defense only pertained to the physical. I love that this book teaches you how to protect yourself from intimidating people verbally; how important it is to stay calm and keep the peace. I believe that even a softie like me can acquire the skills to diffuse an emotional person vs. my previous pattern of avoidance. Perhaps I won't feel like I have to hide from the world as much.

I sure wish I knew these methods while my only child was growing up. Perhaps I can pass on some of what I learn so when his daughter reaches rebellious teenage years, he’ll be prepared. Teenagers often transform into Difficult People who challenge everything with the word “why.” They must do so to develop a sense of autonomy. Don't take it personally. Keep in mind that many adults are still emotionally teenagers in one way or another… where the category of Difficult People comes in.

Here are some highlights from the book:

Most people oppose change. They will fight to keep things the way they are. The secret is simple: It’s okay if someone insults, resists, or attacks you. Laugh it off. Show that it has no meaning, no sting. If you fight back and resist the affront, you give it life and credibility. If you defend yourself, you invite counterattack... an attack carries only the weight he allows it to.

...there are three basic types of people in the world, and each should be handled differently. There are Nice People, Difficult People, and Wimps.

When you shift from resisting to appreciating and even welcoming Difficult People, things become interesting and less tense.

Wimps are the ones who sound like Nice People but are closer to Difficult People. They may … compliment you on … but later they get you back, in the back …

This is the communication warrior’s real service: staying calm in the midst of conflict, deflecting verbal abuse, and offering empathy in the face of antagonism. If you cannot empathize with people, you don’t stand a chance of getting them to listen to you, much less accepting your attempts to help--sincere as you may be.

If you take a moment to think as another might be thinking, then speak with his perspective in mind, you can gain immediate rapport. Ill-fitting as his shoes may be, walk a few steps in them. Only then can you provide real understanding and reassurance. Only then can you help that person see the consequences of what he is doing or is about to do. Only then can you help him make enlightened decisions.

We all deal with people “under the influence” nearly everyday. If it’s not alcohol or drugs, it’s frustration, fear, impatience, lack of self-worth, defensiveness, and a host of other influences. Doesn’t it make sense that we should develop a state of mind that will allow us to skillfully interact with these people…

The goal of persuasion is to generate voluntary compliance.

Admittedly, my experience was from a police perspective. But isn’t what I did also what we do when we deal with our children, whether trying to keep them off drugs, get them to come in early, get them to take out the trash, or get them to study? We need to sound as if we care, keep our egos out of it, find the right words to reach them, and present options that will have a powerful influence.


Chapter 27 is a summary of the 26 principles presented in this book.

Chapter 28 is the Five Universal Truths That Fit All:

>All cultures want to be respected and treated with dignity, regardless of the situation.
>All people would rather be asked than told what to do.
>All people want to know why they are being asked or told to do something.
>All people would rather have options than threats.
>All people want a second chance to make matters right. People are human; we err and act in ways we wish we hadn’t. 

Buy the book on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Verbal-Judo-Gentle-Persuasion-Updated/dp/0062107704/

Sunday, February 9, 2020

Unconditional

In the realm of the book world, my apartment complex manager mentioned to me about three weeks ago that our little community room library had too many books. In the meantime, I had been going to the Senior Center (Multipurpose Center) on Tuesdays for a class on Powerful Tools for Caregivers.

In my natural want-to-help way, I suggested she save small boxes to pack them in and ask someone to take them to various places... the Mission, the local library, the Salvation Army, etc. Then I decided I could fill a small box tote I had for transporting things on my mobility scooter to take with me to the Center Thrift Store along with other items I wanted to donate.

Two weeks ago, I brought the box tote to the community room to fill up. Have you ever had a book jump out at you and call your attention? I don't remember this happening to me since 2010. I spotted the title Unconditional, was intrigued by the cover and back cover description, and took it home to read. It is based on the motion picture with the same title. Remember, I rarely read fiction these days. I was in for a real tear-jerker. Perhaps it was a good time to do some crying. This last week's class for Caregivers was about emotions and what happens when you hold them in. One can erupt like a volcano.

As I read the book, cleansing tears washed over me. I found numerous synchronicities to situations I had dealt with in my own life... and the numerous times just when I believed the worst, an obvious divine presence showed up to intercede.

The story begins with a woman named Samantha, Sam for short. She is young, married to her first love, and living on a wonderful ranch that his parents gave to them. I must include here that the author writes what I can only describe as artistically and poetically. I was immediately captured by her writing.

My first burst of tears erupted with the compassion I felt toward her grief when her perfect life is shattered by the murder of her husband in a dark alley of a bad neighborhood where he went to repair lights that were out. No, I didn't have a husband who was murdered. But many relationships and marriages had died. Similar grief. It was about the obvious presence of the divine when three years later, as Sam was about to pull the trigger to end her own life in the same place her husband had been murdered, the final moment is interrupted by a child yelling because his little sister had been hit by a car.

In addition to tears of sadness and compassion, I kept bursting into tears about the divine interventions weaved into the story. I knew there was no coincidence that the children were out there during a time she was intending to end her life. I never actually followed through with ending my own life during two periods of despair. I was just obsessed with suicidal thoughts. Memories of these situations rose while I was reading about someone else's experience. (Read my post about Talking Myself Out of Suicide.) I didn't go as far as Sam did with putting a gun to her head.

In the story, Sam comes out of her daze and rushes the two children off to a hospital where the unconscious child could be treated... and hopefully saved. At the hospital, a man shows up regarding the children... a man she hadn't seen since grade school... a man who had been her very best friend. I was sad at that point about not having any childhood best friends. Then I kept reading.

Joe was the only one on the planet who could pull her out of her grief. What an incredible synchronicity that the same children who were in the alley were connected to this man. I recalled the time I had shouted to God: "If you want me to go" (to my son's wedding in California), "send someone to help me and give me a reason to come back!" followed by meeting a man who succeeded in pulling me out of my personal despair.

The story has one arc after another, expertly interweaved like a suspense novel with none of the characters knowing what the other had been going through until the end of it all. It's a murder mystery (Who murdered Sam's husband?), riveted with suspense (Will Sam commit suicide? Will Joe die?), a love story, and contains many beautiful miracles.

In one scene, Joe tells Sam how he ended up in prison for doing something on a dare. He gets into an altercation which results in 40 days of solitary confinement. Sam later reveals to him her self-imposed solitary confinement during the previous three years of despair. I paused while remembering when I lived in the trailer park in Bakersfield and the day I found out it was filled with ex-convicts and drug addicts. In my innocence, I befriended Blondie (not her real name)... a woman who told me about the people who lived in the park and the 20 years in prison she did which included solitary confinement. She had given me the book We're All Doing Time to read, and I had realized I had been in prison, too, just one without bars.

Sam's husband's parents had given them their ranch when they moved to a warmer area. In the midst of her grief, she couldn't appreciate all that she had. I remember during years of depression, I could not appreciate what I had, either, compared to life in third world countries and slums. Sam gets involved with all the underprivileged children Joe had taken under his wing who nearly always were happy despite their circumstances, and suddenly she realizes she had been discounting the positive (one of many cognitive distortions I discovered I had).

Sam had been writing a children's book ever since she and Joe were in grade school, including drawing the illustrations. After her husband was murdered, she abandoned the dream. All her drawings lived in a room she couldn't bear to enter. I wondered if I had abandoned any particular dreams. Yes, one of many topics I've contemplated on, is what I may have dreamed as a child I would do when I grow up. Interweaved in this amazing book are the bits, pieces, and synchronicities of how Sam's inspiration comes back, including the discovery of finding all the drawings that child she saved had been doing...  just as she had done when she was a child.

Sam forgets about her grief by becoming actively involved with caring for the children. When she realizes how blessed she is with having the ranch, she invites them all out there for a weekend... realizing she had just found a purpose in life. I reminisced about how Nancy with Reaching Beyond Words had walked into my life in January 2018 with the desire to get children's stories she wrote published. I had asked God what I was to do next after becoming wheelchair dependent and letting go of two stressful volunteer jobs. Months later, Nancy had texted me if I knew any bookkeepers which led to my volunteering as theirs. Both organizations are doing similar things. Perhaps my future includes underprivileged children?

Sam is absolutely sure the man who lives in the projects next to the two children she had rescued that day in the alley was the man who murdered her husband. This scene is one of many that reveals a surprising conclusion toward the end. I reminisced at the number of times I had been sure of certain things in my life which turned out to be false conclusions (another cognitive distortion I had).

The book I had read just before this one was Ask Your Guides by Sonia Choquette. I feel certain Unconditional was meant to find me. I've been logging every synchronicity I notice in a journal... and the number has been mounting.

Earlier in the week, I dreamed a woman I had met in Toastmasters (moved away) came to visit with two small children. (There were two small children in Unconditional, too.) Sonia wrote that many times, guides will urge you to call someone who needs support. She remained on my mind the entire day, so that night, I called her. She surprised me with the question, "Why did you call?" Odd question, I thought. I told her about the book I read, the dream I had, and my urge to call. In case one of her guides urged me, I decided to follow through. It turned out she had been thinking about me as well as a book project she was still struggling with. I thought about Sam in Unconditional.

One of the many things I think about is this blog. I never know what I will write about next or when I will write it. I tell myself not to worry about it. When it is time, the divine will whisper the topic to me, and my fingers will write it. This is one of them.

Friday, January 10, 2020

Contraction and Expansion


These words came to me while I was in the midst of a recent bout of sadness which often happens when I feel fatigued along with spending too much time alone. True to the words, I realized I have almost always experienced creative inspiration (such as this one) after what I figured out feels like the labor of contraction (fatigue, grief, depression). The contractions were necessary when it came time to deliver my son 36 years ago... an unforgettable event in which I experienced unconditional love for the first time I could ever remember. It is an example of the contrast that exists in our lives here on Earth. If I can adopt the belief that every bout of sadness opens space for a divine message, I could meditate in the quiet and wait for the message... which I will write about and share.

Friday, January 3, 2020

Sabbatical


Here it is the year 2020. In the midst of thoughts of feeling sad… homesick... and missing the relationship I had with my son when he was young… the word sabbatical was telepathically whispered into my ears. Sabbatical? I am reading Ask Your Guides by Sonia Choquette, and it seems more than coincidental that I got this message.

What if I could view my time in Texas as an extended sabbatical for the purpose of recreating myself? Because I’ve stayed in one place now longer than ever before (8 years in the same apartment complex, 4 years in my current unit), I feel content with a touch of homesick. While I miss seeing my mom, siblings, son, granddaughter, and all the places I used to go, time away allowed me to leave behind parts of myself that were not healthy. The feeling of emptiness when this happens can be unbearable. I must admit that time brought with it a maturity I didn’t know was possible... even though I can still sense more is coming.

I like the sound of sabbatical. It feels like there is a purpose to it.

I drove 1,500 miles to Texas with just what fit in the back of my GMC Sonoma with a camper shell at the end of 2006… to run away from everything that hurt, only to encounter more things that hurt. Feeling beat up and battered, I had not thought of myself as a warrior princess... which may have made a huge difference in how I dealt with my circumstances. 

Lately, I've been watching some Studio Ghibli warrior princess movies as well as The Shannara Chronicles with young female warriors. What if I could be as strong as they are? I even felt the thrill of playing my first video game in which I chose a princess who wore a long pink gown. I experienced a healing thrill as I pressed the buttons on the console which made her punch and kick her enemies. When the enemy knocked her off, she came back to life again to fight another battle. She was INVINCIBLE.

One of many definitions of sabbatical I found is: “The purpose of the sabbatical leave is to provide faculty members with an opportunity for further professional growth and development so that they may serve more effectively on their campuses and in their field of specialization.” It can also be a break from some type of career. I even read a book about a housewife who took a year sabbatical from her marriage.

After reading What Should I Do with My Life? by Po Bronson, the wheels began to turn in my mind with possibility. What many people end up doing with their life is nothing like what they set out to do. You can have a Ph.D. and choose to become a farmer.

Mmmm. Faculty members. I could think of myself as a professor with a Ph.D., couldn’t I? I hadn’t seen moving here as an opportunity for further professional growth and development because I haven't been employed, but what if I could see it as one? After all, I've learned quite a bit in various volunteer roles since I moved here, adding them to my resume. I could view my campus as the town I now reside in along with the internet. As for a field of specialization, as I self-educate on the topics I’ve become interested in, I feel like at some point a common ‘specialization’ will emerge. I read many stories about this in Po's book.

Granted I’ve been gone for going on 14 years now, even though I was able to make a few trips back to visit over the years. Somehow the idea of sabbatical feels important and less permanent. Perhaps I can make up and even print some certificates for additional college-level degrees to stroke my ego. Since that time, I have:
  • endured and survived quite a few more life challenges.
  • taught myself how to format and self-publish my own books… and completed about 15 of my own plus some for other authors.
  • created two websites, one with a blog, and wrote a lot of blog posts… and even created websites for others.
  • learned how to produce my own songs at home.
  • volunteered for multiple non-profits as a bookkeeper, treasurer, secretary, and more.
  • learned about CBT, PTSD, anxiety, depression, and other matters pertaining to the mind.
  • learned a lot about holistic health and ways to improve my own.
  • learned about alternative treatments for chronic pain.
  • read a lot of books and internet articles.
  • participated in a number of local educational programs.
  • accumulated a lot of personal possessions along with giving some away.
And this last year, I have:
  • endured and survived more life challenges and made it to the age of 64.
  • made some new friends.
  • experienced a surge of abundance.
  • received the therapies and services I desperately needed.
  • realized that resentment was still lingering and holding me back.
  • watched a lot of inspiring movies.
Another aspect of sabbatical can be applied to the times in between going out into the world and days of hibernation. I could view my apartment being located anywhere in the world, couldn't I? A cabin in the mountains. A chateau on the ocean. A suite at a resort. A 42-foot motor home in a trailer park by a lake. France. Italy. Germany. One of the many beautiful places on our planet.

Some people go to another country for a year or more for such a sabbatical. I feel like I live in another country here in Central Texas vs. either east or west coasts. The distance to the closest family member feels like I'm in another country, too. It would be nice if I could astral travel to wherever I wanted to go, just show up, no need to pack anything, and forget about all past feelings of abandonment and the resulting resentment because none of them could come to visit me. In the meantime, the above list can remind me of how much I have accomplished even though I kept getting lost along the way. I wonder what 2020 will bring.