Sunday, June 26, 2022

Ripples

Ripples in the YMCA pool.

There's a lot going on in my life and in the world that has dragged me down into a depressive mood. However, just when I think I have hit bottom, all the right words show up again to lift me out of the hole I tend to fall into. 

Grief is one of the ingredients. I got attached to two different people who did not stay in my life. Only the gifts they brought did. One of the gifts those two people gave me was doses of fun and play. When they left, it activated attachment wounds and unhealed abandonment. On June 20, I made a list of all the ages I suffered from these wounds in rhyme to process what I was feeling and titled it Parts of Me. (Based on IFS-Internal Family Systems.) The last four lines came as a surprise. 

She’s the age she is and every age she ever was - all parts of her identity.
Looking for purpose in all the experiences, feeling like an unsolved mystery.
Should anyone like to be a detective and peel all the layers away,
You might just find a five-year-old who just wants to go out and play.

Sadness is another ingredient. I caught glimpses of human rights being stripped away. Vaccine mandates, another school shooting, Roe vs Wade. I read somewhere a simple solution for birth control is to give all males vasectomies which are reversible. There seems to be both pros and cons to every solution. I feel the disharmony in the world caused by the conflicts. Being an empath is no fun.

Fatigue is another ingredient. My whole body aches when I am fatigued. I've been doing a lot more on my own without help with daily chores. I drove an hour each way to go to an event last night with 400 in attendance. Double whammy. The drive and the emotions/feelings of 400 people. I remind myself that fatigue has always contributed to depression.

Loneliness. On June 23, one of my sisters sent me a link to a Ross Rosenberg video. I learned the term Self-Love Deficit Disorder vs Codependency. That definitely explains things with the added hope of achieving Self-Love Abundance. I can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely. It's part of being an introvert. Here's more information: 
https://www.selfloverecovery.com/pages/self-love-deficit-disorder

This morning, I got up to use the bathroom, put food out for the colony of feral cats I feed, swallowed a serving of PerfectAmino with a glass of water, and went back to bed.

I remembered that nothing in life is permanent. Maybe if I stay in bed for a while, the mood will pass. I remember from various things I've listened to that it is better to climb into the dark places and acknowledge them than to avoid them. If you climb into them, you'll be able to get through them much quicker.

Michael Beckwith in his book Life Visioning stresses the importance of meditation, including staying with and observing all of what I mentioned above.

One of many of Donna Eden's energy medicine routines is placing one hand over your forehead with your thumb and fingertips on opposite sides of your temples and your other hand over your solar plexus. I did this with the intention of sending love to my inner child(ren). I was surprised by what happened.

I saw downtown Los Angeles which became symbolic of my grief, sadness, and fatigue. I used to live in Orange County, CA. During the week I worked as an administrative assistant in a 14-story building (surrounded by people but felt alone). On many weekends, I drove to one of two canyons - Silverado or Modjeska, a beautiful drive. Silverado had a small library I enjoyed going to, and Modjeska had a small wildlife sanctuary. With this visualization, I felt my mood shift, and I climbed out of bed.

Next, I saw an email by Living WELL Aware with the link to the website. I almost deleted it, but then thought it might be related to what I was dealing with. And it was! Even Dr. Sulak was experiencing something similar. 

Does it appear that we can have two identities? There’s the one that is optimistic, at peace, full of joy, compassionate. ... We are in our RIGHT Brain, sometimes referred to as our Sage/Inner Spirit. That part of our brain that is present to the moment, in tune with our senses. But how often do we find ourselves in the “other” world: pessimistic, discouraged, negative, living in blame and shame, feeling inadequate? Our LEFT Brain, our survival brain, is running the show, looking for what is wrong, recalling negatives of the past or worried about the future.

Next, I listened to today's Mile Hi Church service on YouTube. When it ended, it rolled over into the previous week's service. Rev. Michelle Medrano's sermon included what her childhood was like, believing she had to suppress her feelings and emotions... just like I had. I listened to it again. It is titled Atlas of the Heart, based on the book written by Brene Brown. I would really like to take the course they are offering in July on The Inner Childhood Journey, but it is being held in Colorado.

You may be wondering why I included the photo of ripples in the water. It reminds me that life is ever-changing, ever-moving. The ideal mindset is to strive not to get attached to any one thing such as joy or pain because one moment they are here and the next they have moved on. That without contrast, we wouldn't experience the full spectrum of feelings and emotions. So much to digest. So much to process. I crave the peace that these teachers have. One step at a time. One wave at a time.

6-30-22 Update:

Amazingly, Wednesday night's Heart-Mind-Soul Recovery group topic was Creative Power. We get two questions to answer. 

1. Where might you change your thinking in order to create a new reality?
2. Think of your creative power as a pebble tossed in the water, creating ripples. What would those ripples create?

Ripples!!! How eery!

In group, we go around with each person speaking for about two minutes. What did everyone talk about? The very topic of this blog post. I was amazed. And I also wondered... how much of what I am experiencing is mine and how much is everyone around the planet?

Saturday, June 18, 2022

PerfectAmino

It's been a year since I began taking PerfectAmino by BodyHealth. PerfectAmino has been a game-changer for me. Prior to taking this supplement, my muscles were suffering from the effects of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome. One of the two holistic health practitioners I work with found out about this product from her niece who is also a holistic health practitioner. Word gets around!

The first thing I did was go to their website. Scroll down on the page, and you'll see that the pdf of the book is available for a free download. After I read it, I purchased a paperback copy. I know there are other formulas of amino acids out there, but after reading the book, I was convinced this is the best one.

DR. MINKOFF'S BOOK, "THE SEARCH FOR THE PERFECT PROTEIN" HAS THE KEYS TO SOLVING WEIGHT LOSS, DEPRESSION, FATIGUE, INSOMNIA, AND OSTEOPOROSIS

https://bodyhealth.com/products/the-search-for-the-perfect-protein

PA (PerfectAmino) promotes muscle repair and recovery as well as promotes a stronger immune system. It is predigested which is what I needed due to esophagitis issues interfering with my ability to digest protein and fat. It comes in both powder and capsules. I absolutely do not like stevia, so I got the capsules. Yes, it takes five of them for a single serving. I swallow one at a time while saying 'thank you for healing my body.' 

The first two weeks I took this supplement, I felt really tired. I laid down for cat naps throughout the day. They have a Facebook group for people who take this supplement, and I saw that this was a normal response for your body while the amino acids begin the repair process.

Then I noticed my muscles actually feeling stronger, especially in my arms. I don't remember ever having that sensation before. In addition to that, I had been back in a wheelchair since the middle of 2018 after jarring my lower back twice. About six months after I began taking PA, I noticed the muscles in my legs becoming stronger, enabling me to stand a little longer and walk across the room. Damaged nerves seemed to be healing, too.

Meanwhile, my right foot and ankle had been swelling for several years. My doctor had told me it was due to veinous insufficiency, improper functioning of the vein valves, causing swelling and skin changes. Imagine my surprise when it suddenly completely cleared up after taking this supplement. Apparently, in addition to amino acids strengthening so many other parts of me (including my brain), it also strengthened my veins.

In September of last year, three months after I started taking this supplement, I got blood labs done. Imagine my surprise when I saw that my triglycerides went from 242 down to 112.

BodyHealth has a Facebook group where you can get community support for anything related to taking this product. There are additional groups if you are an athlete or interested in losing weight.

It is best to order direct from bodyhealth.com (vs Amazon) as they offer regular promotions. You get a code to give your friends and family so they get 20% off their first order. Whenever you write a review (and they give you regular opportunities to do so) and share it on social media, they give you a $25 coupon. Here's my code https://prz.io/LoEy3d4iN

You cannot use more than one promotion-coupon code, but I was told I could purchase gift cards with my points which I can use in addition to a coupon code.

Saturday, June 11, 2022

Angel

Years ago, I found this ceramic angel at a thrift store. When I moved to my next apartment, one of her wings broke off. I tried to glue it back on, but it wouldn't hold. I broke off the other one and sadly threw both of them away.

In the meantime, I was dealing with upper back pain. One day, when I was looking at my angel, I began to wonder if I had wings that were torn off.

Throughout my life, I have suffered numerous incidents of trauma. Eventually, when I was introduced to Facebook, I discovered a LOT of people have. And many of these people, including Teal Swan, were traveling the world helping other people recover from these experiences. Dolores Cannon became another person I listened to... about being a volunteer.

My question to you is if you realized you were an angel who came to earth to help other people, especially the ones who believed they were unlovable and unworthy, knowing you'd have a difficult assignment, knowing that your heart would be broken numerous times, would this change the outlook and perspective of your experiences?

It did mine. 

You see, I found myself wallowing in self-pity about being rejected (abandoned) again - a repetitive pattern throughout my life. A new man had moved into my apartment complex and began what appeared to me as making up excuses to come over and visit me, then stay for several hours. He'd always tell me if I needed help with anything to let him know. I had no experience with men doing this purely for platonic reasons and got attached. 

Then at the next social event, I casually mentioned I think I am an angel and that my wings were torn off, so I needed new wings (hoping he would make some for me). I expected him to shrug this off as being silly, but instead, he told me to look up Willy Nelson's song, Angel Flying Too Close To the Ground. I added it to Watch Later on YouTube.

When I watched it the following day, I cried. If this song was the only reason I was to meet him, it is enough.

https://youtu.be/C3PB1jWO3_E

I then read some comments under the YouTube video. Apparently, it also has meaning to those who have lost loved ones to death. 

I thought about the people I know who lost loved ones.

I thought about the parts of me that had died. Can I learn to heal my own wings?

I thought about all the times I was hurt and abandoned, and how much I lost as a result of broken love affairs, including most of my belongings. I didn't understand why the men who weaved their way into my life seduced me and disappeared. 

This beautiful man I felt an attraction to told me he wasn't interested in a romantic relationship after I confessed how I felt. Then he decided it was best to avoid me. Note, I did not use the word love, but it didn't matter. We all jump to conclusions, don't we? While I wanted to know what his conclusions were, I didn't ask. 

Perhaps if I thought about it from the perspective of being an angel, with many people to help, I can be content with serving a higher purpose in their lives.

With a higher purpose in mind, I returned a few weeks later to tell him I apologize for jumping to conclusions, and I mainly wanted him to know that he made a significant difference in someone's life - mine. The lower road was to be angry, the higher road was to be grateful for what I got out of it - including being catapulted into another growth spurt. If he hadn't pushed me away, I wouldn't have pursued the programs that began to show up.

I went to work revisiting the traumas I had stuffed down and built a brick wall around. A program related to my situation, facilitated by Sheleana Aiyana, Spiritual Counsellor and Founder of Rising Woman, appeared in my Facebook feed. Because it was affordable, I signed up for it. Shay described my entire life just in the introduction. 

Then I consulted with Ambika who did a ThetaHealing session on me, after telling me my organ of resonation is my spleen - that I attract men who have been abandoned. No wonder. She cleared out some old programming and replaced it with new 'designer software.' She also recommended the book Dodging Energy Vampires by Christiane Northup, M.D. where I discovered why I got involved with the men of my past - both energy vampires and narcissists. Just like Shay of Rising Woman, Christiane described my entire life as well. Even as a successful surgeon, she dealt with the same issue. It appears this situation is a common one.

Naive empaths such as myself want to believe in the good of everyone and the potential of a person vs who they actually are. With our big hearts and compassion, we overlook the 'red flags' and get sucked into abusive life-sucking relationships - with both males and females - and not just romantic ones. Energy vampires can 'smell' us from a mile away. These relationships can leave us with symptoms of chronic pain and autoimmune illnesses, both of which I endured. Fortunately for me, I didn't stay in any of the romantic ones for more than four years. I didn't stay in employments with one for more than a year.

There are many related programs popping up for me to look at now. In my pursuit of self-development, I want to do ALL of them, but this isn't realistic. Instead, I am dreaming of meeting a trauma-informed psychologist who will open a Transformational Recovery Center (a name I made up) I can co-run with them, and get access to all the different therapies that we invite in as well as support groups and fundraisers, like concerts, to cover the cost for those who can't pay.

Dreaming big!

Sunday, June 5, 2022

The Magic Question

Last week at our monthly bingo and birthday party gathering, I found out I qualified for a free CaptionCall phone which would connect via Bluetooth to my cellphone and set up an appointment. Because the installer ended up with ten appointments on the appointed day, he called to see if I was available yesterday (Saturday). I was.

The man who arrived was about my son's age, built like a marine with a strong muscular physique. Just after he entered my apartment, I asked him this question. 

"What inspired you to get into this line of work?"

I was all ears as I listened to his fascinating story.

The young man was from Puerto Rico and had been in FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) for five years but needed a break... a break from removing lifeless, charred bodies from disaster sites. Through contacts he had, he secured a job with the federal government installing CaptionCall phones and teaching people how to use them. He had to study for a number of certifications.

The process took longer than expected. A 30-minute installation grew into 90 minutes, as he ran into a unique situation. I didn't have enough speed on my cellphone service to transmit the captions. He decided to add a hotspot device he had with him which needed to be plugged in near the phone. Then he had to call customer service because the captioning didn't work, and instead of only being on hold for two minutes, he was on hold for over six minutes before he gave up. I found out we had something in common... we expect people to do what they say they are going to do. He muttered about employees goofing off at work instead of doing their jobs. It must come from being in FEMA where every second counts.

I offered him a glass of cold water which he gulped down within seconds. While he was on hold, I asked another question. 

"Do you live nearby?" He said Killeen. He also told me of many other places he lived while he was with FEMA. I asked him what he does when he isn't working. He breeds dogs.

Well, I am known for networking. Anca's Animal Ark Sanctuary floated into my mind. I had met her when I was in Toastmasters, I told him all about the sanctuary, rescuing pit bulls from euthanization at shelters, networking with rescues all over the country, her background with everything else she has accomplished, and wrote all the information down. I hope they get to meet. I know they would be a tremendous asset to each others' life goals.

Back to the CC phone, I found out it can be programmed for your specific hearing needs, and I had the document needed to do this. If my hearing aid wears out before I am able to get a new one, the phone is programmed for my hearing needs.

For more information about CaptionCall, go to https://captioncall.com/

Wednesday, March 2, 2022

Overcoming Childhood Trauma

 

This last week, I've been listening to AVAIYA University's Overcoming Childhood Trauma series with 35 trauma experts and therapists. I identified with the parts concept. I also found a video by Teal Swan on the topic of Loneliness - caused by rejecting the parts of ourselves we didn't want anything to do with like fear, shame, anger, rage, and more. We lock them away.

On page 36 of a book I started to read (for the second time), God is a Verb: Kabbalah and the Practice of Mystical Judaism, Rabbi David Cooper wrote:

"Assuming each individual is a composit of many subpersonalities, each time we express a part of ourselves in reality as we know it, our counterpart is being activated in other realities. The lover is there, the conniver, the little child, the judge, our inner strengths, and our inner weaknesses." 

Subpersonalities - another term for parts. 

I read The Emotion Code: How to Release Your Trapped Emotions by Dr. Bradley Nelson and downloaded their free pdf file which includes charts so I can experiment with this method on myself. It involves using muscle testing which I am already familiar with. I have been doing the 5-minute sequence of Eden Medicine exercises. I read Soul Mind Body Medicine by Dr. Zhi Gang Sha, and he includes a divine numbering system. Louise Swartswalter, one of the speakers in the trauma series, offers what appears to be a combination of these, and it seems that many of the trauma therapists have created unique methods by pulling from a variety of what already exists.

Meanwhile, I ordered the book No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard Schwartz, PhD and put several other books on my Amazon Wishlist. I received Schwartz's book today.

Then I entered parts in the search bar of my blog. In 2019, I wrote Parts: Internal Family Systems.

I don't know if it is possible for me to remember what I've processed, listened to, read, and wrote about in past years. I love having the search option in my blog and book files to find out. I'm sure I must have the following information filed somewhere in the supercomputer of my brain.

As far back as being in the womb, we can become terrified of dying if our core survival needs are not met. I've known for a number of years now that I have issues with abandonment. Now I know the extreme of abandonment is, 

"I will die if I am left alone to fend for myself."

Some parents have adopted the style of teaching babies to self-soothe - alone. They need to sleep. They have to get up in the morning to go to work. Imagine you are the baby left alone in a crib without the skills to get a drink if you are thirsty or to be held when you're scared.

"I will die if I am left alone."

Instead of self-soothing, you scream louder. You get yourself worked up until your inner survival instincts take over, and you disconnect.

Our defense mechanisms allow us to disconnect from those emotions, but they become embedded in our body. They get filed away into subpersonalities. They affect our immune system. They affect our temperament. We suffer from PTSD every time a situation arises that reminds us of those terrifying moments. 

"I will die if I am left alone." 

We can become terrified of our mother's fears. We bring these fears into our DNA from previous generations.

And then we wonder why people, including ourselves, have meltdowns. 

"I don't feel safe right now. I'm going to die. Since I'm going to die, I'll kill you first - with words, with my fist, with my gun."

Get a group of people together who don't feel safe and wars break out like the one right now between Russia and Ukraine.

It doesn't matter how good your home life was, you will still be affected by this fear. 

The bad news is no one escapes being traumatized. The good news is, there are tools you can learn to deal with it. I am thirsty to learn what these tools are. 

There are numerous ways to tap into the 'parts' of ourselves that were scarred by the trauma we endured and find a sense of safety. A kitchen sink soup full. Information overload full. 

Now I will read a few more books.

Monday, January 17, 2022

Manifesting & Positive Prayer

 

Over the years, I seem to have mastered the art of manifesting through a form of positive prayer. I thought I would share some of these circumstances with you in addition to the techniques I used. Some happened immediately (like summoning for help). Others took years and came as pleasant surprises. 

Keep in mind that one of the lessons I learned over time is that the Universe will say yes to anything you focus on. If you focus on lack, you will get lack. If you focus on abundance, you will get abundance. I needed to shift my mindset out of low self-worth and believe I deserved to have a better quality of life. I needed to believe I deserved to have my needs met and visualize as if I already had it and what it feels like to have it. 

Because I am a writer, I often used pen and paper in addition to my computer to work out my thoughts and dreams. I considered every manifestation and answer to a prayer miraculous.

Miraculous manifestations:

Things for my baby: I had moved across the country with just a suitcase with my parents and stayed with my older sister. Her passion was going to yard sales every weekend to go treasure hunting. I got excited every time I found something I needed for my baby at these yard sales.

The refurbished garage: I had stepped outside with my young son one day and with a sense of excitement said, "You know what would be perfect for us? A refurbished garage!" The next time we went to church, I found a postcard advertising one, and we were able to move into it.

The Toyota: I had leased a Subaru Justy that turned out to be a lemon. While it was in the shop for several days (just to wait for brake shoes to arrive), the owner let me borrow his Toyota. While I was driving it, I imagined it was mine. When my car was ready for pick-up, I told him I loved the car. He offered to sell it to me. I couldn't get a second car loan, but my employer loaned me the money.

The accident: I had a part-time job for 5 years when I decided I didn't want it anymore but didn't have the courage to resign. One morning when I was driving to work, I declared I didn't want to go. A woman who didn't come to a complete stop tapped the right rear corner of the car and sent me jackknifing sideways into a bus bench. I didn't go to work for several months. In this case, I learned to be careful of how I word my requests.

Divorce: During a time of confusion and inability to make an important decision about whether to stay in a marriage or not, I asked God for a sign. The Toyota I mentioned above began to have mechanical issues that required towing. One day it died at a major intersection with a street name the same as my husband's last name. To me, this was a sign that it was time to go.

The motorhome: When I first learned the art of creating vision boards, I included a photo of a Fleetwood motorhome. One showed up YEARS later. I didn't even realize it until after I had moved into it and put everything away, meticulously organizing my belongings in overheads and lower storage spaces. I had cut down a large poster into 8-1/2 x 11 sheets to fit into a loose-leaf binder which included other articles in addition to my vision sheets. I opened it up one day to see the image of the exact same motorhome I was living in.

My son's wedding: I had been suffering from symptoms of post-prescription drug withdrawal when I heard my son was getting married in one month - 1,500 miles away. In desperation, I cried out to God, "If you want me to go, send someone to help me and give me a reason to come back!" Within days, the right person showed up in the grocery store, and I was able to go to his wedding.

Furnished apartment: I had moved out to Texas at the end of 2006 with just what would fit in the back of my pickup truck. I had to give all my furniture away. When I found an apartment in 2012 and went over for a preview, the woman who was moving out was selling everything except her bed and dresser because she was moving into a 2-bedroom with her sister. Although she was planning to have a sale that weekend, I was able to buy everything for $250 and move into a fully furnished apartment. (My security deposit was $150 instead of $400, so I offered the difference, and she accepted it.)

A new computer: I was invited to a county political group meeting one day and learned the secretary was leaving the country for six months, so they needed a new secretary. Although it was on a volunteer basis, the job came with a new laptop computer plus Microsoft Office, which I needed to produce my books.

A new bed: A woman I met at an author event came over one day so we could work on a book project together. She noticed I didn't have a bed (I didn't keep the one I had in the previous apartment). That weekend, she and her husband drove an hour to bring me a full-sized electric adjustable bed.

Free education: Not having access to psychological counseling inspired me to learn how to do this for myself. As a result of this intention, a LOT of free docuseries, books, and programs showed up particularly on topics about trauma and post-traumatic growth.

The van, helpers, and companions: This one took I think about a year. I wrote a list of words to describe what I wanted to have in two categories: I AM and I LIVE WITH. I meditated on them daily as if I already had them. This list included transportation (that could accommodate my mobility scooter) and the characteristics of home health attendants I'd be happy with. I ended up with a wonderful van (my car miraculously sold within 24 hours) and each of the health care attendants that were sent to me turned out to be perfect companions. 

Bookends: I wanted some metal bookends. In this case, I didn't have the patience to wait and ordered some online. About two months later, I went to a garage sale where everything was being given away for free... including the same bookends. I took them anyway. It reminded me to be patient and wait with excited anticipation for the things I want to show up.

A new mobility scooter: Even though I had a vision of getting a really nice Pride Go Go mobility scooter, someone gave me a large, expensive Merits Vision electric wheelchair. After some months, I decided to put it up for sale and buy the mobility scooter I wanted. What happened was quite miraculous. The person who called me about the wheelchair asked me if I'd be willing to trade it for her mobility scooter... which turned out to be the Pride brand I wanted. We not only traded, but I had the opportunity to fulfill a dream of philanthropy in an unexpected way. I was able to give my other one to someone I know who needed one.

I have more dreams I visualize as if I already have them. They are written up on a Google Doc. I even wrote some fairytales about them. I practice trust, patience, gratitude, and appreciation. Trust and patience knowing these dreams will come true with divine timing (if they are in my highest and best good). Gratitude and appreciation for everything I already have.

Can you think of a time that you manifested something you wanted or needed? Do you keep a gratitude journal? Do you keep a list of miraculous manifestations?

Thursday, January 13, 2022

Water Dove


I wish I knew who to give credit to for this beautiful print. I keep it on the wall above my altar as well as the screen of my phone. 

The concept of pouring fresh water - positive outcomes - out onto the planet in times of struggle with life situations and tragedies gives me something to focus on other than what is actually happening. 

She is magical, powerful, confident, peaceful, and compassionate... all the attributes that make me feel safe. 

She is bigger than any problem the planet and I might be facing.

She represents hope.

It's been especially difficult hearing recent news that one friend's husband passed away and another friend's daughter passed away. In past years, an acquaintance's daughter passed away, a woman I used to work with passed away, a neighbor's husband and son passed away. While I believe they are not gone, just in another dimension, I am affected by the grief of those left behind.

Do you have an altar? I do. It's especially helpful in dealing with the above circumstances. I have a shelf in my bedroom with various artifacts that represent my beliefs. I don't practice a particular religion. I think I made one up of my own that includes bits and pieces of all of them. Some artifacts, photos, and written words represent dreams, healing, a photo of my 5-year-old self (who sometimes needs extra love and attention), my spirit animals, and images that represent my spirit guides. 

I keep a small vessel of water for them to drink when they are thirsty... and the water often disappears, especially after I request healing and assistance for the people I care about. 

And I am surrounded by books that provide comfort.

Last month, I read The End of Your Life Book Club by Will Schwalbe. He and his mother both love books. While she is getting chemo treatments for cancer, even though she doesn't have long to live, he sits with her while they discuss the books they are each reading. I can't imagine reading as many books as they did, but now I include, "What book(s) are you reading?" in conversations.

I recently finished reading Soul Mind Body Medicine by Dr. Zhi Gang Sha. He stresses the need to heal the soul first which will then heal the mind and the body. The book is loaded with brief prayers and chants for just about everything, right down to the individual cells of our bodies. I put a sticky note on the front of my mobility scooter that says, "Thank you for unconditional, universal service." I've been thanking everything I come in contact with this way. This is a book that requires more than a one-time read-through. 

The content of this book adds to all the other healing modalities I've been learning over the years. I caught myself wondering out of all the different healing programs I've participated in, which one do I focus on? But the answer I got was to focus on one tiny particle at a time until it is assimilated. Then tackle another one. Trust my intuition in each case because each case will require something different.

I open some books to a random page to see what I find. One of these books is Lead Me, Holy Spirit by Stormie Omartian. The word synchronicity comes to mind as I see the same words in multiple books that relate to what I am thinking about. 

I am just about done reading Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness by Dr. Fred Luskin. The words renting space in your mind to one or more grievances hit home. Luskin teaches a course in forgiving that focuses on gratitude, love, and appreciation of nature. 

I've written about how much I like the knob on the door of Howl's Moving Castle. When I don't like what I'm thinking about, turn the knob. Luskin teaches a similar concept as channels on a TV. Are you watching the grievance channel or a story about a heroic act of kindness? Are you blaming someone else for your inability to be peaceful and happy? Are you renting space in your mind to unenforceable rules?

This morning, I also opened Thriving as an Empath and found, "Everybody deserves the dignity of their own path. I will respect someone's healing process without trying to fix them." Good message for me. I want to fix everyone.

In the theme of reading a little out of several different books, I am also working my way through The Dragon Doesn't Live Here Anymore by Alan Cohen. I opened it up to the next chapter one morning after reading from another book. It just happened to be on forgiveness.

In the meantime, the words that came through my fingers as I wrote My Quest for Healing still demand my attention. I seem to have amnesia about what I wrote. Each time I read it again, it is as if I am reading it for the first time. 

Perhaps I rent too much space in my mind for all the words to all the books I read.

I'm still not sure where all this education is leading me... I just feel like it IS leading me somewhere. I will be starting another series on healing in two months - not sure what it is yet.

Mysteries.

The other night I saw flickering lights in my peripheral vision. I was told to pay attention when I notice them - that these are spirit guides. The following night, just as I closed my eyes to go to sleep, the back porch light came on. It was so bright, I saw it through my closed eyelids. I got up and turned it off. I wonder if it was related to the friend who just lost her daughter. Many years ago, at about 9 in the evening, a large round mirror that was hanging on my bedroom wall crashed to the floor and shattered. I found out the next day that my son had been mugged in a parking lot at the time the mirror fell. They just took his walkman and left him unharmed. I wish my friend's daughter was left unharmed.

Water Dove, let's pour out peace over all those who are grieving.

Let's replenish the earth with resources.

Let's replenish the atmosphere.

Let's have a peaceful night's sleep.

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January 14. Update. This morning, I opened Forgive for Good to Chapter 10. Then I opened The Dragon Doesn't Life Here Anymore to The Way Out. Same message. Perhaps you can get both of these books to read side by side.