New Release!

This is a story I began writing many years ago but had not decided what to do with it. I've written other short stories, but this one wanted to be its own book. I did update the ending to bring it up-to-date. It is about 4,300 words, 34 pages. Available as a paperback (because I wanted one for my bookshelf) and Kindle.

The dreams I recorded in a journal over the years included scenes about World War II, a library I'd never personally visited, a collapsing stairway, and a theme park.

Years later, I was able to see similarities between the dreams and interesting life encounters with the Rabbi I met, the psychic I met, and the interconnectedness of life experiences and people.

The final chapter is my fantasy of being healed by extraterrestrials with advanced technology.

Dreaming of Bugs?

I did. Tiny black ladybug type bugs. In the dream I was combing my hair and when I got to the nape of my neck, a lot of hair was falling out and tiny black bugs were in it, so tiny in fact, I couldn't tell they were bugs. They were just tiny black spots. I got out a magnifying glass and saw they looked like tiny ladybugs. Brought them to ???? and then woke up.

Well, I wasn't happy with just letting this go. I Googled to see if there was a bug like this that actually existed. YES! Possibly a carpet beetle. (Better than the possibility of bed bugs!)

"Once inside (your house), they feed on hair..."
Then I Googled what it means when you dream of bugs in your hair. What a surprise!

http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamthemes/bugs.htm

"What's 'bugging' you? Dreaming of bugs and insects suggest that you are worried about something. They are symbolic of your anxieties or fears. Also consider the popular phrase 'bitten by the bug' to imply your strong emotional ties or obsession with some activity, interest, or hobby. The various bugs or insects in your dream help clue you in as to what you may be concerning you."

This is so right on target with what is happening in my life! Then I saw this:

"To dream that there are endless amount of bugs coming out of your hair suggests that something is weighing on your mind that you are confused about. Perhaps you are making a big deal out of minor matter. Alternatively, the dream refers to concerns over your public image."

Yes, indeed, again. I am so glad I decided to use my friend Google to figure things out! Isn't it amazing how that happens? Isn't technology (sometimes) absolutely wonderful?

So, what HAS been going on which has me anxious? Taking on much more than what I realistically have time to handle without sacrificing many really important things in my life... like creative writing... emailing family (or talking to them on the phone)... and posting on my blog... and reading to expand my knowledge... and keeping up with the amazing Facebook friends I have (both people I know and ones I've never personally met.)

In conflict, I've been "bitten by the bug" of creative explosion as I succeed in doing tasks I've never done before... like create a new website (for another organization) with WIX and learn how to use WEEBLY to update the Killeen Toastmaster website.

Now for the recap:

First, it was with the Chamber of Commerce where I began to volunteer back in 2012. After about a year, I took on doing Press Releases and Event Listings. It took me MONTHS to organize all the news outlets I was to report to. Many had changed or no longer existed. In my OBSESSION to have all the details correct, I eventually came up with a revised list of email contacts and a notebook binder to organize it all into.

I have to be organized. What I don't have is a great memory. I had lots of TIME back then. As a newcomer to Texas (and Lampasas), it was the perfect way for me to come out of isolation and gradually re-acclimate to the world of people. I learned everything about this tiny town I live in and fell in love with it after five years of NOT wanting to stay here and return to California. I even get to participate in ribbon cuttings, quarterly Chamber luncheons, and events such as the Annual Wine Tour.

But what happens when you start THREE new volunteer assignments in addition to the older one? THREE that have a LOT of complex tasks to keep track of, especially when you are OBSESSED with getting all the details right in a timely manner? Yes, THREE. What on earth did I DO?

Before I summarize them for you, I'll have you know that as a result of getting involved with them all, I've met the most incredible inspiring role-models I could ever imagine--role-models I can learn from and actually succeed in growing into. Did you know, life can begin at age 55?

You can also go back and read my post titled: Creating A Meaningful Life After Disability.

http://reneealtersatmosphere.blogspot.com/2014/07/creating-meaningful-life-after.html

1. Killeen Toastmasters: I made the jump to become their VP of Public Relations on July 1 of this year after being in the club a full year--the PERFECT job in which I'd get all the training I'd need to progress as a writer and everything else I am striving to achieve. Not to mention, continuously expanding my identity and maturity as a person. Note, you don't get paid here, you pay semi-annual dues to participate... more than worth it for all the college level education you have access to... if you want it... which I do. I am in LOVE with photo-journalism. In my new role (with the Nikon I recently received as a gift from a retired career Navy photo journalist) I get to take photos at meetings, taught myself how to make slide-show videos with Windows Movie Maker, and send Press Releases to the Killeen Daily Herald.

2. Executive Secretary to our County Political Party. First, I want to state I am INDEPENDENT. But in Primaries, you can only declare and vote Democrat or Republican. I began to get an education on Government and Politics, much of which I object to. I would like to be part of recreating it all into a new system that works better than the system that is in place... if this is at all possible. Next thing I knew, I was volunteering to do the minutes... and going to training... and working at the Polls... and becoming a Deputy so I could register people to vote... and... and... and... inherited a large list of people... people who are diverse in personality and temperament (some quite hot-tempered)... very different than the harmony and inspiration I find in Toastmasters. The only part of all of it that I get paid for is Poll work. That new website I succeeded in creating on WIX was for my County Political group. After working at the Polls for the March Primary, I retired from Poll work. I can't handle sitting or standing that many hours. Meanwhile, I began a revolution to get twice as many Poll workers who would only have to work seven hour shifts instead of a 14-hour day. Most of the people who work the Polls are retired, disabled, and/or over 65 and can't handle the stress of this 14-hour day.

3. Prior to the County group, I was only looking for a club to belong to and began with the Women's group that organizes fund-raising events for candidates. Next thing I knew, I was volunteering to do the minutes... because no one else was available to... and... facilitating meetings... and making sure events went smoothly... and discovering I could organize people in addition to tasks. However, I don't like the heat of Texas summers and many events occur on the hottest days, including the Annual Labor Day Picnic.

And since I became secretary for both the Women's group and the County, which were completely separate before, I combined them. God help my successor! The Women's group is considered a PAC--Political Action Committee--with a special set of rules about how funds are handled.

My nephew recently told me I wasn't just any secretary, I was an EXECUTIVE secretary. Thus, I've been promoted.

So here I am, with four organizations I am passionate about and I am trying to figure out how best to manage my time. I could randomly jump from task to task as floating thoughts pop into my head or I could create weekly blocks of time to work on each of the four groups in addition to mandatory self-care and chores... which I've been lax about. Maybe a combination of both. What I don't have time to complete in the designated block, I would continue on the next one. At least I've been keeping up with exercising (yellow.) I posted on Facebook that I need a volunteer to do my chores so I could have more time to make a difference in the world through these organizations... and more.

We have feral cats in my apartment complex. I'd like to organize a TNR program here (Trap, Neuter, Release.) Hopefully I (or someone else) can accomplish this before the cat population gets much larger.

I am indeed OBSESSED with finding ways to simplify complex tasks so I can create more TIME in my life.

I used to do this all the time back in the days when I was one girl office manager for various organizations (one at a time). I'd start a new job in which I had to work 50 hours a week plus to get it all done without getting paid overtime just because I was OBSESSED with completing all the work. There was also the additional time involved in getting through the learning curves. After about two years, I'd get bored and would seek a new challenge in a new job, usually with increased pay.

After a while, I'd get it down to 30 hours a week and deprive myself of the additional 10 hours a week of pay because the jobs would be paid by the hour. I would be OBSESSED with completely updating/revising/modifying (same thing) new responsibilities even though logically, I knew many tasks can never actually be finished.

Can you relate? I know many of you do...

Then I burned out when I was 38 years old and suffered the consequences of my OBSESSIONS in the way of all over body pain that was unbearable... which resulted in permanent disability and 11 prescription medications.

(Go to the ABOUT page on this website for the summary.)

I am still an office manager... of my own life at home. In my OBSESSION I desire a magic wand to become instantly organized... and to instantly have all my chores done, including food prep, dish washing, grocery shopping, laundry, and cleaning. I also desire my own staff to complete the many tasks I want to accomplish. I'd either have to be financially abundant enough to pay this staff or have people like myself, willing to volunteer their time.

Thus, I deal with internal conflict and really need to work on allowing myself the slack of not getting everything done. After all, I really do plan to live at least another 30 years.

On Facebook, one of my favorites, Frankie Perez's MindGym, reminded me of WHAT MATTERS MOST:

"With the many demands on our time and energy, it is easy to lose sight of the things that most matter to us. A common trait of happy people is that they are living a values-centered life, meaning that they remain mindful and conscious that their actions are congruent with the people and things that matter most to them and that give them a deep sense of connection and satisfaction. Your values (such as, family, love, spirituality, happiness, freedom, etc.) ought to be the "why" behind the majority of your actions."
All the tasks involve computer work and I lose track of time which is really really bad for my physical challenges. Yet, I remain OBSESSED. At home, I can go into my THERAPY ROOM, invert, stretch, and use a Miracle Ball to work out the tension that builds in my muscles.

I purchased an electronic timer so I could set it for 10 minutes at a time when I am on the computer… and BREATHE. But am I using it right now? I forgot to... I've been at this post for the last hour...

Indeed, I'm sitting here first thing upon awakening OBSESSED with writing this post... with my toothbrush still lingering in my mouth. Funny how a little dream can inspire an entire story...

Now that it is written, I will go finish up what I started... which was brushing my teeth... and post this on the blog after breakfast...

Santa Claus

(Content from this post was included in my book, Appearances: A Journey of Self-Discovery in Chapter 8: Santa Claus. I modified the chapter for Project 4 Toastmaster Speech.)

I was the 2nd born of 6 children. My grandparents on both sides of the family were Russian, Orthodox Jewish immigrants. My mother’s father was a tailor and made clothes. My father’s father started an advertising specialty business.

While my mother stayed home with us, my father worked for his father’s business which didn’t pay very well so when Chanukah came, we got one big present we all had to share. Fortunately, my mother loved crafts, so each year we learned a new craft and made presents for everyone in our family.

In the meantime, everyone I knew in school celebrated Christmas and talked about what Santa Claus brought them. Well, I thought Chanukah was boring! I wanted Christmas! With LOTS of presents, a beautiful big Christmas tree that smelled like evergreen and was decorated with ornaments and colored lights. I wanted decorations on the front lawn… like our neighbor had.

One December, while I was still a little girl, our neighbor asked my mother to paint the details on some reindeer she got for her yard display. Mom did a beautiful job, but would not accept any money—HOWEVER, that year, Santa Claus came.

Santa brought each of us girls our very own baby doll. I didn’t have to share her with ANYone. I played house and made all kinds of houses and furniture out of boxes, cardboard, and fabric.

We all grew up and got busy with our own lives, careers, and families so there was no longer time to be creative. And none of us dated or married anyone Jewish. In 2 separate relationships, the partners I had were often unemployed and had bad credit. They insisted I spend the holidays with their families and I couldn’t go to mine. They also insisted on buying their family members expensive gifts—with MY credit cards. I can’t believe I let them! In spite of the red flags, I even married the 2nd one.

With my life often in a state of chaos, I wished with all my might that there was a real Santa Claus. One day when I was picking up supplies during the holiday season for the service station I was working for, I saw a beautiful stuffed Santa. Back at work, I described it to my boss with childish excitement. When he went to the store the next day, he bought it for me and said Merry Christmas! I don’t think he realized how precious that gift was to me. Santa Claus became a symbol of hope and I kept him out all year long.

My husband not only insisted we spend the holidays with his family, he insisted we move from California to Austin, TX. Most of our stuff, including Santa, went into a storage space in California before we left. We weren’t able to go back that summer and get the stuff out of storage as planned.

As Christmas was approaching, I got homesick and announced I wanted to take a trip to see my family. My husband said NO and replied that I had to choose between him and my family. I chose. I left him in November 1995 and took my son home via Amtrak to visit my family.

During that trip, I drove to the storage locker to get my son’s body-board, my Santa, and a few other things I really missed only to find out that the lock had been changed. Apparently, my husband was afraid that I’d take something of his while he wasn’t there.

My son and I boarded Amtrak Christmas eve to return to Texas. I cried myself to sleep that night on the train. On Christmas morning, Santa Clause came to me again… in a dream. He handed me a small magic sleigh that transported me to many different rooms in a large house. Each room contained one of the goals I had in my life. He said to look! It is all yours! The last room I was taken to was a room full of toys.

There was a little boy sitting in the middle of the toys crying and a little girl standing with a stubborn expression on her face. The little girl was told that she had everything she wanted and needed to make her happy but the boy had nothing but the toys. Why not let the boy have all the toys? When she agreed, I woke up.

Contrary to the way I felt the night before, I was in a state of total and complete joy. I knew that God used the symbol of Santa Claus to give me hope. I realized the little girl was my inner child and that the little boy was my husband’s inner child. With Santa’s promise that every one of my dreams would be fulfilled, I released the despair of losing all my and my son’s things.

When my son and I got back to Texas, I hired a lawyer and filed for divorce with a loan from a friend and gave the whole situation to God to work out. I found Rudolph at a Thrift store and he kept me company, assuring me that Santa would return. At the end of the school year I made arrangements to stay with my older sister, and moved back to California with my son.

Shortly after we arrived, my niece spotted my Rudolph and showed me her Santa. We shared stories about how we ended up with them. The following day, she brought home a Rudolph that matched her Santa and gave them both to me as a gift. She didn’t see my tears. Santa kept showing up to remind me that everything would be OK.

When I felt hopeless that December, I could only see a small part of a much bigger picture. At the time I did not realize I would be returning to California to continue my life. It turned out that I was fortunate our things were still in storage there, for just like we didn’t have the money to bring them to Texas, I would not have had the money to bring it all back home.

My lawyer sent me a letter stating that my soon to be ex would get what was his out of the storage space the following July and turn the key over to me. Since all the furniture had been bought with my credit cards, I was to have the furniture, too. People told me not to trust my ex—but I trusted God, and I knew Santa would be there to supervise.

My son and I celebrated Christmas that July when we were able to get our things out of the storage locker. To this day, Santa Claus is very special to me.

2022 Update. 

I had met a woman named Nancy a few years back at an author event. She asked me if I could produce Grandma's Tales for her. After this was complete, she asked me if I knew any bookkeepers as she and her husband had a nonprofit called Reaching Beyond Words. Early in their lives, they had been missionaries in Ethiopia, Uganda, and the Philippines; however, they felt discouraged when they returned. They met with other people and founded the nonprofit to create sustainable programs. Three of the programs included training widows in business and providing seed money so they could support their families; building a school; building an orphanage. They continue to fund these programs. I took on the task of doing their bookkeeping. 

Nancy noticed I liked doing jigsaw puzzles and brought me one of a Thomas Kinkade 3-story house. I somehow was able to complete this 1,000-piece challenge and decided to hang it on my wall in a frame... because it reminded me of the house in my Santa Claus dream. With Christmas decorations, I placed my small sleigh on the chest below it, a symbol of the sleigh that transported me to the rooms of that house. 

Several months ago, I met a 32-year-old musician and music teacher who inspired me to write songs again and brought hope into my life. I felt a spiritual connection to this old, wise soul who I bonded with via music and conversations. He was playing on Thursday nights at a place called Wool and Vine, so I began to go to listen. After a long period of isolation, it was a good activity for me. The programs I was involved with were online so I was also starving for physical touch, and several of the people there were huggers when we greeted each other.

When someone new comes to visit and asks me about the puzzle art on the wall, I get to retell the above story. Yesterday, December 29, he brought me two more puzzles. In one of many spiritual connection moments, he looked up, saw the painting, and asked if it was a puzzle. Because I just retold the story, I searched my blog for it and decided to update this post. 

And I wonder if this new person is one of Santa's elves aka messengers, sent to give me hope again. I know it is his nature to use his past experiences to give hope to others... and he reminds me to do the same.