Wheels

I enjoyed some years of walking... how I reframed my recent "episode" (implying it is not permanent) of leg weakness/pain over several months that kept getting worse until I couldn't walk at all. This time, since I'd been through it all before (and already have my wheels), I didn't panic.

Me--not panic? This is a new one for me. I finally digested that stressing out makes things worse. So does getting angry.

The weakness/numbness in my glutes, thighs, and legs moves around--to the right side--to the left side--back again. To the toes--but different ones each time. No matter how many pillows and pieces of foam I prop myself up on, I wake up with cramping hips and legs.

In the past, I just got weak and numb all over from the waist down. I am currently on guard, wondering if this will happen again... so I am getting prepared. Better to be prepared than sorry. I arranged for someone who runs errands, and I will call and register for the HOP -- transportation to doctor/therapy appointments, especially ones that are out of town.

Since I know we are made up of energy, I watch where the 'energy' goes with some amusement (vs. fear). But not knowing when or how it will affect me, I decided it isn't safe to drive more than around my tiny town -- at least for now -- until I know what to expect. It would never happen suddenly... slowly over the course of say 5 minutes.

I had to begin asking for rides... something I had never been comfortable doing... if I was going to continue participating in club activities. Thank goodness I finally know people I can ask for help from! I can't drive further than my tiny town (no cruise control) as in addition to pain/weakness, I get cramps in my right leg while it is holding the position on the gas pedal.

I pulled out my WHEELS which had been on standby in the storage closet off my back patio for who knows how many years -- since sometime in 2012 after I moved into this complex on the other side.

While I went and sold my electric wheelchair (oops), I kept the walker. I had (falsely) assumed that if I needed an electric wheelchair again, I could get a new one because it had been more than 5 years since I had gotten the other one. Nope. Medicare changed rules. You can't get an electric wheelchair for outside... only if you need one in the house. Do I hide all my chairs on wheels and ask for one anyway?

Also, I didn't have to pay a share of cost for the other one (which I got in California) and I'd have to pay here. I would only be able to get the very expensive one that Medicare will pay for... billing me 20%. If I have to pay 20% of $5,000+, I'd rather invest $700 in a scooter of my choice. Unless I can manifest a donated one. :-)

It is possible that going two years without chiropractic didn't help... at least I got to go for three years from 2012 - 2015. I'd only be able to return if I had an accident... which I did... when I fell back in February. But even then, he could only treat me for 'headache' due to the subluxated atlas.

I started with a new one who has different equipment, and I will hopefully get at least 12 visits before Medicare cuts me off. He alerted me to a fact I had discounted all these years. I hadn't paid any attention to the words PARS DEFECT clearly stated on the many MRI and x-ray reports I still keep in my files. He showed me L5 had broken away from its base (pars) which is why it slipped forward. (See arrow.)

When I was 21, I had ignored the word Spondylolisthesis that was typed on the accident report for insurance (at least I kept a copy) after I crashed into a parked car because I didn't know what it meant. I could have saved myself grief when the Physiatrist I went to in 1998 suspected I had MS. It was years before I went through old
files and brought it to his attention.

Back to the walker. Here's a link to the one I have...

NOVA-Cruiser-Light-Rollator-Walker on Amazon

I got it in California before I moved to Texas. In case you ever need one or know someone who does, I recommend this one. (I don't have a basket under it.) It held up in the extreme heat and cold conditions during the many years it was stored in the outside closet off my patio. Unlike the vinyl on my comfy office chair that is disintegrating, the only damage this walker has are multiple pinprick holes in the seat... reminders that I once had cats that enjoyed digging their little claws into it.

Most walkers I've seen do not have wheels... and wheels are wonderful! They roll over everything (almost), even an occasional bug. (Yuch!) It is even wonderful when I need to transport things like groceries in and out of the car.

I am enjoying this walker, especially since I found a large tray with high sides to lay on the seat. (Photo below.)

I am enjoying the secure feeling of holding the handles. (Note: I am finding reasons to be positive.) I wheel it around the apartment and put whatever I need to transport from one room to another on this tray, including a cup of water and my cell phone. It saves me a lot of trips and actually helps me be better organized.

I even pull the walker up to whatever chair I sit on as it holds my water, notebook, pen, snacks, paperwork that needs to get filed, stuff to throw in the trash, etc. Wish I thought of doing this in years past.

I even have a Word Puzzle book on it for when I am using the toilet... hoping to distract myself from the sensation of pain when I sit on it. (Imagine the sensation of sitting on a bruised butt, hips, and backs of thighs, but it is neurological.) I tried a raised cushion, but it was just as bad. It was only meant to make it higher, not softer. I'm open to ideas...

My walker is great outdoors, especially when I need to sit down, although I can't walk very far. The seat is a bit hard, so I don't sit for long. I can also pull myself along while seated for short distances (like after I've visited my neighbor). This is actually good exercise for your legs, although steering it while seated doesn't work very well.

Going backward is much easier to steer, but dangerous if you hit a crack in the pavement. (Yes, I've done this.)

Did I mention it only weighs 21 pounds, so I can get it in and out of my car? Yes, it folds. And yes, the little exercises I've been doing gave me some arm muscle strength, and I'm grateful that the frozen shoulder I had in my right shoulder cleared up a few years back. With the wider of the split seats in my Dodge down, it will fit into the back end of the hatchback.

I am grateful for the dumpster on the opposite side I can drive right up to for throwing my trash into. (Drive-up dumpster. Not really. I'm just being funny.)

I can drive up to the mailbox at the post office to mail letters, etc., but still have to walk from my car to my mailbox... which is down by the office.

But wait! This is a small apartment complex compared to the monster ones in larger cities, many of which I have lived. And my car is parked right outside my door. Isn't this a gorgeous Crate Myrtle?

I was worried the walker wouldn't fit into the trunk of my new friend's (Monica) car... or behind her seats. She just happens to have a model car with a truck that goes on forever!
Monica joined my Toastmasters club in December... reluctantly accepted an officer role (like I had done)... and lives nearby. Yay! I had been driving my own car to Friday daytime meetings, and she drove me to additional training and meetings further away or at night. During long drives, we've gotten to know each other and have quite a bit in common... never a dull conversation or long stretches of awkward silence.

Monica has a 9-year old daughter (Lili) who is an angel (like her mother). During the summer, she joined her mother (and sometimes her little brother, too) for Toastmasters meetings. She is very grown-up and has often filled simpler roles at meetings such as timing and being a Topics Master. She loves to get up in front of the group to speak.

Monica used to work 60+ hours a week in hotel management, but when her health began to decline, she made changes. Now she does a variety of income-generating jobs which include house-cleaning, website design, and building a Young Living (Essential Oils) business.

Lili helps her mother with house-cleaning to earn some money of her own, and I asked her (Lili) if she wanted to vacuum my apartment for $5. She is also learning how to play the guitar, so it was a joy for her to stay and show me what she has learned on guitar (I still have one). Then I uncovered the electronic keyboard where she stayed glued for another hour.

Anyway, on the way back from Toastmasters, we stopped at the HEB Superstore. The original plan was to drop me at the entrance, but it seemed everyone decided to go to the store at the same time we did. Even finding a parking space was challenging, and it wasn't even one of the larger stores.

I used the walker to get to the entrance of the store (couldn't believe tiny Lili could lift it out of the trunk herself), switched over to a motor cart, and Lili pushed the walker through the store nearby. My heart was filled with joy having Lili and her Mom accompany me in the grocery store... something... believe it or not... had been absent way too many years of my life... having company while I had to shop.

When I first began going to Open Mics and other evening events for Writers and artists, I found out a young man by the name of Mikey lived two minutes from me. Mikey has never driven and has never owned a car. (Wouldn't that be nice?) He rarely lived in a place like my town where there is no public transportation (settled here when his parents moved here), but his parents moved North, and he will soon follow... back to a place that has public transportation. I learned that once you get a job with Walmart (Mikey works nights stocking), you can transfer to another one anywhere in the United States... which he plans to do.

Nicole (founder of the Writer's society) had been driving here to pick him up twice a month (20 minutes each way). I took over giving Mikey rides until about two weeks ago when I asked him to find us another ride. Since Nicole used to pick him up, she came and got the both of us.

(Note: socializing with people who are generous about giving people rides is quite nice!)

The other set of wheels is a salon chair.

Instead of using a wheelchair in the apartment, I have office chairs on wheels in each area/room. I got this salon chair for the kitchen. My kitchen is quite small, so this works easier than an office-type chair. It elevates higher than an ordinary chair (and has a padded seat). I wheel it to the refrigerator... wheel back to the counter... wheel to the stove, etc. Swivel this way and that. I open the cabinet door I need to be in front of (like the kitchen sink), and my knees fit nicely underneath -- except when I forget there is a pipe under there. Just the same, my butt and the back of my thighs still go numb after sitting on it for more than 5 minutes or so.

This morning, I remembered that Dr. Bergman (chiropractor) had given me a sacral belt the last time I was out to Huntington Beach, California. I have it on now, and my right leg doesn't feel as weak. This strap is tight.. holding my pelvis/sacrum together, and Bergman had advised I not wear it more than a few weeks... just until I got to my hometown chiropractor and my L5-S1 stabilized.

Stabilized? I never could understand how this would be possible.

I see my new chiropractor tomorrow for the 2nd visit. I will get his opinion about the belt. Hoping for improvement but have finally learned "it is what it is" and catch myself making up stories based on thoughts I can't prove. i.e. I can't prove the condition will continue to get worse... and don't catastrophize like I used to do all the time.

I'm done with past years of numerous procedures, injections, and pharmaceutical drugs to hopefully get relief. It was all very temporary, and in the long run, caused additional problems, never mind the miles I had to drive to get them and the endless waiting in waiting rooms.

I already know surgery is not an option. I am continuously learning about alternative treatments for pain... and I hope to experience them... like float tanks (you float for an hour in a warm pool filled with Epsom Salt), PEMF Therapy (Pulsed Electromagnetic Frequency), and sound therapy.

BTW, I learned in the Matter of Balance course I am repeating to put the letters ICE in front of your emergency contact name/number in your phone. I just wonder how they will get into my phone, because I have it password protected, but I was told they can. If they can, doesn't that mean a crook can, too?

I also learned to keep copies of your DNR, Power of Attorney, medication list, etc. on your refrigerator door. This is the first place emergency personnel will look when they enter your home. Note, I said copies. Keep the originals in a safe place like your safe.

I even learned that a physical therapist is supposed to analyze you and fit you for the right walker and cane. Really? I don't have access to P.T. and said so. I went home, looked at my walker, saw that it could be lowered another notch, and lowered it. I am, after all, a short person and didn't realize I could lower it.

P.S. The image of L5-S1 Spondylolisthesis is one I got on the internet because I couldn't get a clear photo off my x-rays. It looks pretty close!

Self-Confidence

I can't exactly remember when I suddenly felt self-confident. It seemed like one day I woke up and I was. It has been a long journey in which I lost all sense of what little self-confidence I had to where I am now. Occasionally, I flounder but temporarily.

I'm certain Facebook (and recently Instagram) had something to do with it. I not only found Positive Psychology, I found lots of people who were practicing it as their professions. However, just like many other people, at first, I dealt with Facebook envy... until I came across articles on this very subject... and learned it is REAL. After seeing a feed of all the wonderful things happening in other people's lives, people can get depressed. Here's a link with more about this topic:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/media-spotlight/201505/exploring-facebook-depression

Then I became one of the people who only posted the best that was going on in my life. Yes, there are many posts by people asking for prayers for a life crisis, giving me opportunities to send energetic prayers. There are also people using Facebook to vent and the cyberbullying that follows.

I also noticed that I had people envy. I'd see people dressed well and presenting themselves well, driving nice cars, assuming they had everything I always wanted and didn't or ever have. Again, over time, as I learned more about the people who were in the clubs I attended, I found out they had personal challenges, too. They had just learned to smile through it all.

I had lived way too many years isolated in a "box," after being rejected so many times for talking about my issues... without realizing I was talking to the wrong people. Then in July 2015, I found Toastmasters. Just about every speech I heard, especially ones given at contests, included a tragic (my viewpoint) story the person speaking had managed to transform.

Yesterday, I went to the Toastmasters Division L contest. There were five amazing speeches, and we all wondered how on earth the judges would be able to select first, second, and third place winners. In my selective listening, my inner antenna picked up on what was said by officers and dignitaries in addition to speakers. Toastmasters had transformed their lives because it had given them opportunities to learn new skills... and help other people.

At first, I was one of the people receiving the help. As I took advantage of training that was offered, and as time went on, I developed skills that could help other people, but not just any way. Help other people build self-confidence. Since it took me so darn long to get this myself, I have lots of patience and understanding for others who are still struggling with this. I now know it is possible for everybody, regardless of the roads they've had to travel. Without their stories, people wouldn't have any interest in listening.

With the help of Google, here are a few quotes I found:

“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” -- Louise L. Hay

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” -- Eleanor Roosevelt

“To establish true self-confidence, we must concentrate on our successes and forget about the failures and the negatives in our lives.” -- Denis Waitley

I also found an article on the 10 Things You Can Do to Boost Self-Confidence by Chris W. Dunn. https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/281874 He begins with the following quote and I included the first paragraph:

“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your handbrake on.” -- Maxwell Maltz
Nobody is born with limitless self-confidence. If someone seems to have incredible self-confidence, it’s because he or she has worked on building it for years. Self-confidence is something that you learn to build up because the challenging world of business, and life in general, can deflate it. -- Chris W. Dunn

Number 7 is the one that has influenced me the most. Help someone else. Helping someone else often enables us to forget about ourselves and to feel grateful for what we have. It also feels good when you are able to make a difference for someone else. Instead of focusing on your own weaknesses, volunteer to mentor, practically assist or teach another, and you'll see your self-confidence grow automatically in the process.

There have always been ways to volunteer in my community... at churches... the Mission... animal rescue... nursing homes... hospitals... but for me, I found my nitch in helping people who need a boost in self-confidence.

Smile, Volunteer, Be Grateful, Exercise, Empower Yourself With Knowledge.

Building a Bypass

Building the 190 bypass over Copperas Cove required a detailed plan and took years to implement. It was finally finished and I drive over it almost every Friday to and from Toastmasters meetings. One morning, I woke up thinking about life's bypasses.

When you're in a situation you want to change so you can move forward, it is useful to create a detailed bypass-type plan and take one small step every day with a complete vision of the road or building in mind. Of course, when the road you are on drops out from under you (like a health crisis) you'll need to make a new plan.

Perhaps had I been a lot more patient with planning, instead of up and moving to new places so many times, and believed there was a divine plan always unfolding, I wouldn't have fallen into so many "ruts."

When I think of my past, I realize the "plan" that had worked for me post-crisis was education. The more I learned about nutrition, exercise, psychology, and Law of Attraction, the better my health became. "Travelers" in the form of new people I began to meet personally and on the internet (mostly Facebook) led to having a team of "engineers" who helped me create a new plan and begin building my new bypass.

Building a bypass for my life took a long time--much longer than it took for the physical 190 bypass to be built. When I drive over it, the view is breath-taking. But it hadn't always been that way. For years, it was an unsightly mess--just like my life was. Somehow, it transformed into a path of beauty.

I believe the astral travel experience I had when my father died in which I "floated" over green rolling hills was the 190 bypass that would take me to Toastmasters, showing me there would be a positive change in my life. Just like the college classes I used to take because I always loved going to school, Toastmasters provides me with additional education while I overcome many of my fears. It is a bypass for my life providing me with the means, support, and role models that continue to inspire hope for the years to come.

Navigating the Universe of my Body

Indeed, just like planets and stars make up a universe of galaxies, I’ve learned the human body is an amazing universe as well—more like a collection of universes. After all, everything is energy! Even emotions! (Energy in Motion.) When energy is dense, objects appear solid. I thought rocks were solid inanimate objects, but they are energy beings, too! Same with our bodies. I even wrote a little imaginary tale about this in my eBook, The Adventures of Gnat.

Since this blog, in addition to being a letter for friends, family, and readers is also an online journal, I am writing about what's new with my explorations of the human body. In a previous post, I wrote about my obsessions. This one is on health.

1) I read Vianna Stibel's book titled: Theta Healing and in June participated in the Basic Theta Healing class from a certified Theta Instructor. Vianna had discovered that regardless of what your doctor or metaphysical healer does for you, if there are any subconscious beliefs blocking or resisting the healing, a healing session won't be successful. There are numerous ‘digging’ exercises to work through to identify negative core beliefs. I am amazed how just becoming AWARE of what they are can begin a shift in consciousness. Vianna has listed in her books just about every belief to mankind that exists and it is nice to know we are all really more connected that we think. The next step is to begin clearing these negative beliefs and replacing them with positive ones which are done by receiving ‘downloads’ of the positive beliefs and feelings that you don’t already have. You cannot experience love, for instance, if you don’t know what it FEELS like. You can say affirmations all day every day like “I am loved, I feel loved, I have abundance, I can speak my truth, I deserve to exist, I am supported by God,” but if you don’t know what these FEEL like, it won’t happen. I don’t think it was coincidence that after I received these ‘downloads,’ I began to receive abundance in unexpected ways and new situations began to show up in my life to support these new downloaded beliefs.

2) I am now reading the sequel titled: Advanced Theta Healing. There is a lot more information about the belief work as well as information about the seven planes of existence. I often read multiple books at one time, so I am also reading Teal Scott’s (her married name at the time it was published): The Sculptor in the Sky. Words I read tend to flow through me and I’m sure I’ll have to read these books multiple times before I can assimilate the information. In May, I read I AM: A Journey to Enlightenment by Stephen Shaw which I will definitely read multiple times!

3) At an introduction to Tibetan Pulsation taught by the same instructor, I learned how the organs of our bodies resonate to sound—and there is a complex process of combining ‘trigger’ words to specific sounds for each organ. In addition to the complexity of this modality, just like in astrology, there are certain times of the year when specific organs are ‘activated’ so it is suggested you work on the sounds/trigger words for the organ of ‘resonance’ at those specific times. I am amazed at how many different ways a person can pursue healing!

4) At the end of May, I had a ‘check-up’ with my doctor and the usual blood tests. My Triglycerides were still too high. I showed my doctor that a side effect of Mirtazapine—of which I was taking 45 mg. of—was elevated Triglycerides so I wanted to wean off of the drug. I gradually decreased the dose over the month and by the end of June was completely off of it… probably a bit too quickly for this type of drug. I didn’t fare too well. The high dose of 45 mg. kept nerve and muscle pain at bay so for the entire month of July I dealt with a severe headache (felt like the top of my head would explode—and that my brain was swollen), a stomach ache, and some nausea in addition to muscular skeletal contractions. If that wasn’t bad enough, I couldn’t focus and had symptoms of major ADD and ADHD. My Theta Healer person suggested I get back on this medication even though she doesn’t usually recommend pharmaceutical drugs. There must be something about the month of July—when growing spurts have been occuring.

5) That same week, I went to the local Acupuncturist/Chinese Medicine lady hoping she would have a different solution. I filled out about 15 pages of intake forms. During the one-hour consultation with her, I was absolutely amazed when she presented me with a single sheet of paper and explained how all my symptoms indicated an imbalance of Yin and Yang—quite simply, my Yin was diminished and my Yang was too over-powering—and something about my body having too much heat and many of my symptoms are its way of trying to cool down. And even though she didn’t support the use of pharmaceutical drugs, she also suggested I get back on Mirtazapine. I returned to the doctor and got 15 mg. to start back up on. Better to start at the lowest dose and work your way up. With just 15 mg. the headache, stomachache, nausea, ADD, & ADHD disappeared by the following morning so I never increased the dose. However, I still had the muscular skeletal stuff to deal with. I really like waking up at first light vs. before needing to sleep until 10 when I was taking 45 mg.

6) Magic Potion Chinese Tea: I didn’t feel any different after the first batch of ‘tea’ I received so the formula was changed. Wow! An hour after the first dose, I felt pleasantly numb (absence of pain.) As long as I kept drinking the stuff all day long, I was able to plug along at all the tasks I wanted to do. I’m sure it helped that I was drinking more fluids in general. I returned in a week for another week’s supply and reported the results. She said, “Chinese Medicine ROCKS!” Last week’s potion didn’t seem as strong and I hope the next batch is! I laugh at the thought that while some people are getting ‘high’ on ‘weed’, I am getting ‘high’ on ‘tea.’ I sincerely hope the FDA doesn’t decide to eliminate Chinese Medicine!

7) Hormones? I read about the consequences of having too much Estrogen and not enough Progesterone—or an imbalance of hormones in general. I suspected I was dealing with post hysterectomy/oophorectomy hormone imbalances so I asked my Chinese Medicine lady if any of the herbs that were in the tea were for balancing hormones. She replied, “All of them!”

8) Both the owner of Curves and my Chinese Medicine lady are advocates for doTerra essential oils. I went to several two-hour ‘classes’ on everything these oils can do. Someday I will spring for more of the oils and especially, the diffuser! I have some of the basics—Lavender, Wild Orange, Lemon, Peppermint, as well as OnGuard (which took care of a gum infection when I rinsed with it) and my all-time favorite: Motivate! All kinds of Mood formulas were passed around for us to sniff. When I sniffed Motivate, I was in heaven! Let’s all get high on oil! (Side-note: just like in politics, there is an ongoing debate between doTERRA people and Young Living people. Either way, there seems to be an epidemic of essential oils. I hope the supply can keep up with demand!)

9) My poor sore feet. I've had feet challenges for as long as I can remember. They pronate in and pull on my knees. There are very few shoes my feet want to wear. I've spent mucho bucks on all kinds of insoles in addition to comfort shoes. And then... I found Massaging Gel Insoles by AirFeet!!! They are not what you can get over the counter (this year, anyway) and are about $45, but I was desperate. They are everything they were promised to be. My one pair easily goes in and out of whichever shoes I want to wear that day. They don’t get stinky, either. I bought mine directly from AirFeet but you can see the description on Amazon HERE.

10) I can't forget my awesome orthopedic gel cushion which keeps my butt and the back of my thighs from getting numb and tingly so I can enjoy sitting longer. I take it with me to practically everywhere! You can see the product description on Amazon HERE.

11) Making friends with my intuition: in Theta Healing, you use muscle testing to check for which beliefs are lingering in your subconscious. There are several ways to muscle test, but I decided to try the one when you stand and allow your body to fall forward or backwards depending on if the answer is yes or no. (Not all the way forward or back—you catch yourself before you’ve gone too far.) I have been challenged with decision making and don’t really have another person to bounce things off of so when I began to get definite yes and no’s for just about everything from what to wear to what to eat to where to go (or not), I discovered I get answers—from my own body! It became a fun game and I even use this method to avoid foods I shouldn’t eat. I am more likely to put aside something that isn’t healthy for me when my body muscle tests NO to it. I may have lost my mind, but each time I hold something or look at something and ask yes or no, I fall forward or backwards. I feel like I have an invisible best friend now!

12) Psychological: Toastmasters continues to provide a nurturing growing experience for me as I pursue the education it offers in leadership and communication. Other ingredients it adds to my life are: inclusion, acceptance, encouragement, feeling valued, being told my smile is genuine and contagious, as well as team-building and relationship skills. I am getting used to continuous spurts of growth as well as learning curves so they aren’t as stressful as they started out to be. Because two of the other organizations I volunteer as Executive Secretary don’t have any structure in place, I have been doing almost everything myself—making sure everything that needs to be done gets done. When I first began doing the same thing in my Toastmasters group, (out of habit), our President invited me to a private ‘meeting.’ I was getting used to ‘Evaluations’ where you are told both your strengths and what you can approve on so I didn’t worry too much. What an amazing, intuitive lady! As she learned more about my background, she informed me that in Toastmasters, I could TRUST the others to pull their own weight. I could relax and stay in my own lane without worrying about anything not getting done. I could even trust I wouldn’t be ABANDONED! How did she know I had past abandonment issues? Plus, she advised me to make sure I take care of my ‘baby’ which is my passion for writing.

I hope you got something out of this article in the way of some alternative ways to pursue your own health and well-being... a journey well worth taking. Do you have a question you'd like to ask me? Or a comment you would like to make? Post a comment if the comment box is there or click on 'comments' to type one in! Thanks! 

Dreaming of Bugs?

I did. Tiny black ladybug type bugs. In the dream I was combing my hair and when I got to the nape of my neck, a lot of hair was falling out and tiny black bugs were in it, so tiny in fact, I couldn't tell they were bugs. They were just tiny black spots. I got out a magnifying glass and saw they looked like tiny ladybugs. Brought them to ???? and then woke up.

Well, I wasn't happy with just letting this go. I Googled to see if there was a bug like this that actually existed. YES! Possibly a carpet beetle. (Better than the possibility of bed bugs!)

"Once inside (your house), they feed on hair..."
Then I Googled what it means when you dream of bugs in your hair. What a surprise!

http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamthemes/bugs.htm

"What's 'bugging' you? Dreaming of bugs and insects suggest that you are worried about something. They are symbolic of your anxieties or fears. Also consider the popular phrase 'bitten by the bug' to imply your strong emotional ties or obsession with some activity, interest, or hobby. The various bugs or insects in your dream help clue you in as to what you may be concerning you."

This is so right on target with what is happening in my life! Then I saw this:

"To dream that there are endless amount of bugs coming out of your hair suggests that something is weighing on your mind that you are confused about. Perhaps you are making a big deal out of minor matter. Alternatively, the dream refers to concerns over your public image."

Yes, indeed, again. I am so glad I decided to use my friend Google to figure things out! Isn't it amazing how that happens? Isn't technology (sometimes) absolutely wonderful?

So, what HAS been going on which has me anxious? Taking on much more than what I realistically have time to handle without sacrificing many really important things in my life... like creative writing... emailing family (or talking to them on the phone)... and posting on my blog... and reading to expand my knowledge... and keeping up with the amazing Facebook friends I have (both people I know and ones I've never personally met.)

In conflict, I've been "bitten by the bug" of creative explosion as I succeed in doing tasks I've never done before... like create a new website (for another organization) with WIX and learn how to use WEEBLY to update the Killeen Toastmaster website.

Now for the recap:

First, it was with the Chamber of Commerce where I began to volunteer back in 2012. After about a year, I took on doing Press Releases and Event Listings. It took me MONTHS to organize all the news outlets I was to report to. Many had changed or no longer existed. In my OBSESSION to have all the details correct, I eventually came up with a revised list of email contacts and a notebook binder to organize it all into.

I have to be organized. What I don't have is a great memory. I had lots of TIME back then. As a newcomer to Texas (and Lampasas), it was the perfect way for me to come out of isolation and gradually re-acclimate to the world of people. I learned everything about this tiny town I live in and fell in love with it after five years of NOT wanting to stay here and return to California. I even get to participate in ribbon cuttings, quarterly Chamber luncheons, and events such as the Annual Wine Tour.

But what happens when you start THREE new volunteer assignments in addition to the older one? THREE that have a LOT of complex tasks to keep track of, especially when you are OBSESSED with getting all the details right in a timely manner? Yes, THREE. What on earth did I DO?

Before I summarize them for you, I'll have you know that as a result of getting involved with them all, I've met the most incredible inspiring role-models I could ever imagine--role-models I can learn from and actually succeed in growing into. Did you know, life can begin at age 55?

You can also go back and read my post titled: Creating A Meaningful Life After Disability.

http://reneealtersatmosphere.blogspot.com/2014/07/creating-meaningful-life-after.html

1. Killeen Toastmasters: I made the jump to become their VP of Public Relations on July 1 of this year after being in the club a full year--the PERFECT job in which I'd get all the training I'd need to progress as a writer and everything else I am striving to achieve. Not to mention, continuously expanding my identity and maturity as a person. Note, you don't get paid here, you pay semi-annual dues to participate... more than worth it for all the college level education you have access to... if you want it... which I do. I am in LOVE with photo-journalism. In my new role (with the Nikon I recently received as a gift from a retired career Navy photo journalist) I get to take photos at meetings, taught myself how to make slide-show videos with Windows Movie Maker, and send Press Releases to the Killeen Daily Herald.

2. Executive Secretary to our County Political Party. First, I want to state I am INDEPENDENT. But in Primaries, you can only declare and vote Democrat or Republican. I began to get an education on Government and Politics, much of which I object to. I would like to be part of recreating it all into a new system that works better than the system that is in place... if this is at all possible. Next thing I knew, I was volunteering to do the minutes... and going to training... and working at the Polls... and becoming a Deputy so I could register people to vote... and... and... and... inherited a large list of people... people who are diverse in personality and temperament (some quite hot-tempered)... very different than the harmony and inspiration I find in Toastmasters. The only part of all of it that I get paid for is Poll work. That new website I succeeded in creating on WIX was for my County Political group. After working at the Polls for the March Primary, I retired from Poll work. I can't handle sitting or standing that many hours. Meanwhile, I began a revolution to get twice as many Poll workers who would only have to work seven hour shifts instead of a 14-hour day. Most of the people who work the Polls are retired, disabled, and/or over 65 and can't handle the stress of this 14-hour day.

3. Prior to the County group, I was only looking for a club to belong to and began with the Women's group that organizes fund-raising events for candidates. Next thing I knew, I was volunteering to do the minutes... because no one else was available to... and... facilitating meetings... and making sure events went smoothly... and discovering I could organize people in addition to tasks. However, I don't like the heat of Texas summers and many events occur on the hottest days, including the Annual Labor Day Picnic.

And since I became secretary for both the Women's group and the County, which were completely separate before, I combined them. God help my successor! The Women's group is considered a PAC--Political Action Committee--with a special set of rules about how funds are handled.

My nephew recently told me I wasn't just any secretary, I was an EXECUTIVE secretary. Thus, I've been promoted.

So here I am, with four organizations I am passionate about and I am trying to figure out how best to manage my time. I could randomly jump from task to task as floating thoughts pop into my head or I could create weekly blocks of time to work on each of the four groups in addition to mandatory self-care and chores... which I've been lax about. Maybe a combination of both. What I don't have time to complete in the designated block, I would continue on the next one. At least I've been keeping up with exercising (yellow.) I posted on Facebook that I need a volunteer to do my chores so I could have more time to make a difference in the world through these organizations... and more.

We have feral cats in my apartment complex. I'd like to organize a TNR program here (Trap, Neuter, Release.) Hopefully I (or someone else) can accomplish this before the cat population gets much larger.

I am indeed OBSESSED with finding ways to simplify complex tasks so I can create more TIME in my life.

I used to do this all the time back in the days when I was one girl office manager for various organizations (one at a time). I'd start a new job in which I had to work 50 hours a week plus to get it all done without getting paid overtime just because I was OBSESSED with completing all the work. There was also the additional time involved in getting through the learning curves. After about two years, I'd get bored and would seek a new challenge in a new job, usually with increased pay.

After a while, I'd get it down to 30 hours a week and deprive myself of the additional 10 hours a week of pay because the jobs would be paid by the hour. I would be OBSESSED with completely updating/revising/modifying (same thing) new responsibilities even though logically, I knew many tasks can never actually be finished.

Can you relate? I know many of you do...

Then I burned out when I was 38 years old and suffered the consequences of my OBSESSIONS in the way of all over body pain that was unbearable... which resulted in permanent disability and 11 prescription medications.

(Go to the ABOUT page on this website for the summary.)

I am still an office manager... of my own life at home. In my OBSESSION I desire a magic wand to become instantly organized... and to instantly have all my chores done, including food prep, dish washing, grocery shopping, laundry, and cleaning. I also desire my own staff to complete the many tasks I want to accomplish. I'd either have to be financially abundant enough to pay this staff or have people like myself, willing to volunteer their time.

Thus, I deal with internal conflict and really need to work on allowing myself the slack of not getting everything done. After all, I really do plan to live at least another 30 years.

On Facebook, one of my favorites, Frankie Perez's MindGym, reminded me of WHAT MATTERS MOST:

"With the many demands on our time and energy, it is easy to lose sight of the things that most matter to us. A common trait of happy people is that they are living a values-centered life, meaning that they remain mindful and conscious that their actions are congruent with the people and things that matter most to them and that give them a deep sense of connection and satisfaction. Your values (such as, family, love, spirituality, happiness, freedom, etc.) ought to be the "why" behind the majority of your actions."
All the tasks involve computer work and I lose track of time which is really really bad for my physical challenges. Yet, I remain OBSESSED. At home, I can go into my THERAPY ROOM, invert, stretch, and use a Miracle Ball to work out the tension that builds in my muscles.

I purchased an electronic timer so I could set it for 10 minutes at a time when I am on the computer… and BREATHE. But am I using it right now? I forgot to... I've been at this post for the last hour...

Indeed, I'm sitting here first thing upon awakening OBSESSED with writing this post... with my toothbrush still lingering in my mouth. Funny how a little dream can inspire an entire story...

Now that it is written, I will go finish up what I started... which was brushing my teeth... and post this on the blog after breakfast...

Inspirational Toastmaster Speeches

Yesterday, I went to my first Toastmaster Division International Speech and Evaluation Contest which took place in Cedar Park. I didn't carpool with the others in my group because it would be faster to drive directly from my place vs. driving 35 minutes to connect with the others and then riding with them another hour.

My first challenge was to get there as my sense of direction isn't very good and it's hard for me to get anywhere without a person in the passenger seat looking at a map or directions and telling me which way to turn. At the beginning of the month, after telling someone in another group I belong to how I got lost in Austin the week before, I received a TomTom GPS from the lady who owned the house where we met. I found out it was outdated after trying it out on routes I was already familiar with and hoped it would get me to my destination even if it took me the long way around. The TomTom has a very pleasing female voice and I enjoy hearing her tell me which way to turn and how much further I have to drive before turning. I even love how she tells me to turn around if I am going the wrong way. I did manage to get to my destination!

If you're not familiar with Toastmasters, a LOT has to be said in an organized way in 5-7 minutes for "international" contest speeches. A timer is in charge of keeping speakers on track. Unlike the red, yellow, and green file folders we use in our club, this facility had a giant yellow traffic light with red, yellow, and green lights.

I jotted down notes while I was listening to the speakers so I could remember them, but I don't have enough information to state all the details accurately. The following account is mostly true to the best I can recall.

First, there was a 'test' speaker, who gave an account of his travels and places he'd lived--and how he fell in love with a certain festival and all the medals he began to collect from each one he attended. I forget which festival he told us about. Toward the end, he pulled out of a wide sash with his entire collection! I identified with this speaker because some of the places he described were places I'd lived. Six contestants evaluated his speech and we heard their reports later on in the contest.

Next were speaker contestants: I was deeply moved by 5 of the 6 speeches which included personal stories of transcending challenges such as childhood abuse, neglect, and/or disabilities. Since I personally have dealt with many of my own challenges, the speeches left me INSPIRED.

Speaker 1: David Dauber. David is confined to a wheel-chair due to Cerebral Palsy. His legs and body have to be strapped to the chair and he only has the use of one of his hands. His voice is deep and projects well. He demonstrated what his wheel-chair could do by pushing a button that raised him up to almost standing position. While he couldn't walk around the stage, he steered the wheel-chair around the stage instead. He spoke about his handicap and the two things that have made a difference for him: laughter and showing others appreciation. Despite this man's challenges, he's an actor, owns a business, and is married. I thought about Robert, the man my dwarf cousin married, a man who had been afflicted with polio when he was a child which stunted the growth of his legs and distorted his spine. He was unstoppable and went on to get a college degree and earn a good living in a computer-related career. He met my cousin at a "Little People's Club," they got married, and had a son who grew to be about 6 feet tall. Then they adopted a girl born without an arm/shoulder from Russia. In that family, you are not limited by what your body can do. You adapt with what you have. Anyway, I found David's website here: http://www.knowbility.org/v/staff-detail/David-Dauber/8g/

Speaker 2: Raef Lambert. Raif told an entertaining story of how he grew up in a 3rd world country and how stupid 12-year old boys are. He was one of them. I raised one, so he held my interest. In that country, children were unsupervised and had the run of where-ever they wanted to go. I was intrigued by his brief description of what life was like for him there. Then he began to tell us about his attempt to impress a girl when he was 12. He discovered a yard with (a transformer?) one day when the gate was left open and found out it sent a buzz-like energy (electricity) through his body when he touched it. He devised a plan to get the girl in there with him. He'd lean over to kiss her while he was touching this thing so the electricity would go through him into her. She'd think it was coming from HIM and he'd be special. Well, she was wet (or the ground was wet) when he made the attempt and a lot more than a few volts of electricity went through both of them! Needless to say, he did NOT impress her and she never talked to him again. Raef's curiosity led him to Austin where he got a college degree and he is now a Business Analyst. You can find him on Linkedin here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/raef-lambert-61680889

Speaker 3: Tim Manson. Tim is in our very own club. I've always been impressed with Tim's light-hearted sense of humor and his ability to transcend his disabling MS condition. In this speech, I learned how he's been able to do this. His speech was titled ENOUGH! His story weaved through time from childhood to where he is now... the leg brace he had to wear as a toddler, all the times he was thrown from a bull in his attempt to stay on one as a bull-rider... breaking both of his legs one of those times... then onto being diagnosed with MS, a condition my doctor thought I had even though nothing had shown up in tests. The stubborn determination he had to keep getting back up each time a bull threw him off prepared him for getting back up after flare-ups with MS. He concluded with ENOUGH! You can never get enough sunrises, smiles, blue skies, etc. Wow! Tim won 3rd Place. Here is information about Tim: http://publicspeakingsuperpowers.com/featured-speakers/tim-manson/ and his website is: http://www.innovativehorizons.com/

Speaker 4: Melvin Banks. Melvin had a large portrait of when he was a small child brought out onto the stage before he began speaking. He began his speech with "Are you the one?" as he pointed to several people in the audience. His tale was how he had been humiliated by his father and teachers and believed he was stupid. Because he believed he was stupid, he never tried. Then one day, he got a new teacher who walked up behind him during a test and after seeing him write the correct answer to a math problem, whispered to him: "I KNEW you were smart!" He spoke about how powerful our words are and I related very well. My own father, whose name happened to be Melvin, often blurted out "You're stupid!" "You'll never amount to anything!" I had tried really hard to be smarter and better but was never "enough." I wasn't blessed with a teacher like Melvin was who said the right words. Melvin went on to get a college degree and is now an Inspirational Speaker and Coach for his own business "Banks Coaching & Consulting." I may be 60 and barely getting started, but if I live another 30 years, I still have time to make something of myself! Melvin won 1st Place. Here's where you can find more information about Melvin: http://www.speakermatch.com/profile/melvinbanks/

Speaker 5: Adrian Russell. Adrian entertained us with a story of wanting to run away when he was a child to be in a carnival. His father was an abusive alcoholic and his mother had stayed with him because she lacked the courage to leave. However, at some point, she made a different choice so Adrian had stayed. I immediately identified with Adrian. There were 5 kids in his family, there were 6 in mine. My father wasn't an alcoholic but he was verbally and sometimes physically abusive. I wanted so many times for my mother to leave him but she felt incapable of surviving without his measly paycheck or the house they owned together (even though it was mortgaged.) I couldn't find anything on Adrian. If I do find something, I'll add it later. I remember he said in his finale he went on to get a college degree, has had great success in life, and has an impressive career. Adrian won 2nd Place.

This concludes my 'observation' of the event. To date, I have completed 7 out of the 10 speeches I need to complete in order to get my CC (Competent Communicator.) I am also working on my CL (Competent Leadership.) It only took almost 3 hours for me to write this. If you're looking for a group to thrive in, I highly recommend Toastmasters! As one person said in the closing interviews when asked why he joined, he said it was a place to get an education without student loans! I absolutely agree!