Distracted

One of my favorite children's books is If You Give A Mouse A Cookie. The person who wrote the book must have been like me. Whenever I started something, I’d think of something else to do, too.

Well, while I cooked, I tried to stay in the kitchen by the stove so I wouldn't get side-tracked and forget about the food that I was cooking. I had a large bag of frozen chicken halves which I decided to cook all at once, to get all the cooking and cleaning up after the cooking out of the way. All I had was a large aluminum broiler pan, so I put the chicken in this and put it in the oven.

This particular day, while I was in the kitchen, I opened mail, looked through a new catalog about courses, saw two I wanted for the combined price I was planning to pay for just one (which was cancelled anyway), needed a paper clip, opened the draw the paper clip was in, and heard a knock on my door. I left the draw open to see who was at the door. On my way back to the kitchen, I was looking up instead of down, and walked into the open drawer. Now I had to put everything down to nurture the injury I sustained in the doing so.

Also, on this particular day, I had the inspiration to reorganize a few things, including my pots and pans. I could put a couple of nails inside the cabinet next to the stove to hang a couple of the pots on. I got out my tool box, and found the nails and the hammer. The wood inside the cabinet was too hard to just hammer a nail into, so I needed to get out my drill. After I drilled two holes, I hammered in the nails and hung up the pots I wanted to hang. Then I went into the closet to put the tool box and drill away.

The shelf I kept my tool box and drill on had laminate along the front which was coming loose. I got the little tube of superglue out and intended to put a few small drops on it. But… I squeezed a little too hard, and superglue back splashed onto my left hand. I had just read about someone who had super glued their fingers together, so I kept my fingers sprawled out as wide as I could, and desperately searched for a way to clean it off. Many ‘helpful’ hints later, including nail polish remover, I still had super glue on my hand.

In the midst of the super glue panic, I had forgotten I had the chicken in the oven. I opened the oven door, relieved that the chicken had not over-cooked. The chicken looked delicious, and with a potholder in each hand, I expected I’d be able to pull the aluminum tray out without any problems. Wrong. The aluminum tray buckled and an inch of hot chicken fat spilled over the sides, down into the oven, down into the grill below the oven, all over the oven door, through the opening where the hinges were, and onto the floor, just barely missing my bare toes. This just wasn’t my day!

I tried my best to wipe up all the chicken fat before it hardened, and used a lot of paper towel to do this with. When I got to the grill, I opened it all the way out. Inside the grill was a large metal oven tray I didn’t know I had.

I was exhausted after hours of clean up, and sat back down at my computer to google remedies for super glue. I found one that involved smearing Vaseline all over the surfaces where the glue was, putting on a glove to keep the Vaseline from getting on anything else, and keeping it on overnight. The following morning, I took off the glove, and the glue began to peel away from my skin.

Since these incidents happened over a year ago, I haven’t cooked any more chicken in my oven (or anything else, either). Matter of fact, I have fallen in love with dehydrated food that cooks up in minutes with just boiling water and some spices… along with eating at pot lucks and fresh fruits/vegetables fresh out of their bags. Occasionally I have a frozen dinner or open a can of tuna. I think I’ll stick to writing, and let everyone else do the cooking.

The Person Who Can Change Your Life

Some of us have struggled so hard with this... our self-image being formed by parents and teachers who told us we weren't good enough or smart enough... and we had believed it. I had believed this. 

I couldn't hear as well as others could and until we moved to a new school district that tested for hearing & eyesight (I was going into 4th grade), no one knew I couldn't see clearly for more than 10 inches in front of my face or couldn't hear sounds above a certain decibel and couldn't understand the enunciation of words that most people were saying. This held me back in school, and so I believed from an early age that I was a helpless kitten who needed others to guide me through life... and most of the time the people who were guiding me were not healthy for me to be with. 

I wasn't hearing enough of what I COULD do to counter all the things I couldn't (with the exception of the office work I used to do). My challenges were accentuated by being born with a birth defect in my lower spine called Spina Bifida Occulta and Spondylolisthesis. I didn't know about this until I was 50 years old. It was the reason my hamstrings had always been extremely tight which affected my ability to participate in normal gym activities in school. Because I couldn't do what the other children could do, I felt incompetent in this area as well.

Self-love is such an important aspect of your life. I now believe that I was chronically ill for many years because of the low-grade depression I felt due to my limiting beliefs. Not feeling good enough for anything really GOOD, I ended up in many dysfunctional relationships which modeled the one my parents had. I also lived a mostly sedentary lifestyle, believing my body wasn't capable of being stronger than it was. 

With the help of compassionate health food store owners who also studied Chinese Medicine, I learned how to strengthen my immune system and recovered from the chronic illnesses. However, I still had to deal with the symptoms of full-blown fibromyalgia aka myofascial pain syndrome. I avoided physical exercise because of pain. I ended up taking a LOT of medications, many to compensate for the side effects of others. I hadn't learned yet that most of the medications I was taking to cope with symptoms were actually making it all worse.

With a brand new year, January 2015, at 59 years of age. I decided to trade most of the medications I was taking for exercise, especially after learning that the woman who owned Curves in my town had recovered from a severe car accident and ten surgeries as a result of the injuries through exercise. I wrote in a previous post about the book Younger Next Year and had started to exercise by going on 20-minute walks, but this wasn't going to be enough to counter the effects of osteoporosis. 

Sonja turned out to be the perfect personal trainer for me. I knew if she could recover and do all that she does with the severity of the injuries she sustained and all the surgeries (including hip replacements) she had, I could. Merely one month later, the parts of my body that were too weak to do certain machines are stronger. I no longer need her to assist me with the devices I couldn't do on my own when I started. Unlike all my other attempts to join gyms and exercise (which were short-lived), I can stick to this. And there is nothing better than receiving praise for how much improvement you are making! 

I also began the new year with the completion of my 7th book: Growing An Internal Garden to Cope With Chronic Illness, Pain, and Depression, which began as a project for myself for maintaining my health.

Transformation is an amazing sensation when we finally realize that we are strong and smart... more than good enough... and amazing sensitive souls. Transformation occurs when the frightened lost kitten can look in the mirror and finally realize he/she is a lion... strong... confident... capable... believing that anything is possible!

Growing An Internal Garden to Cope With Chronic Pain, Illness, and Depression

With age and experience, many of us come out the other side with a lot of wisdom to share, I consider myself one of them. 

I've been to all kinds of doctors and learned something useful from each one of them. I've talked to a lot of other people who have had all kinds of physical challenges. I've delved into all kinds of Alternative Medicine searching for solutions. I've read a lot of books. I've been dealing with physical challenges since I was a child. Maybe I should have been a doctor or health care practitioner. I got as far as obtaining Reiki Certifications when I was in my 30's and a Bachelor's Degree when I was 41. Hopefully I will be able to continue my education and get a Master's Degree in something -- or some type of certification in the health and wellness field.

The inspiration for this book (my 7th one) was inspired after I listened to Teal Swan’s video where she says to ask yourself “What would someone who loves themselves do?” After asking this numerous times, an answer came to me. Treat my body like it I a garden.

So...

think of your body as a beloved garden. Choose the flowers you want to grow. Plant good seeds. Provide nourishing soil. Fertilize it. Refrain from using pesticides. Water it. Feel the joy of seeing new flowers grow. Bask in the wonder of how much beauty can sprout from tiny seeds. It takes time for flowers to grow. Be patient with yourself as you nurture your inner garden and wait for your flowers to bloom. After your flowers bloom, the butterflies will come. Remember that they were once homely caterpillars. In order to become butterflies, they had to weave a protective cocoon around themselves. When you begin this journey, think of yourself as being in a cocoon, soon to discover you will become a beautiful butterfly. This little book includes a narrowed down summary of what I learned in my personal journey through chronic pain, illness, and depression. It is set up like a workbook with exercises for you to do and recommendations of books to read as well as videos to watch. Be inspired and believe you can recover.

You can find this book on Amazon through the links provided on the "My Books" page. I hope this book will help you in your own journey and that you will share it with those you love.

Finding Myself

Many times, I don't know what I want until I see it... and I want what this woman describes about herself in her video...

http://rites.iamavatar.org/sq/40689-the-rites-of-passage

transforming from a woman who has endured struggle and hardship in all aspects of life, believing that she is not good enough or smart enough, to experiencing complete self-love, joy, self-confidence, and utilizing everything she's learned to become someone who teaches others how to do what she has done. I've taken the first steps... I see my future self... I am excited about the journey that will take me there...

TWICE this last week I came across information describing someone who is lost, wanting to be found. Perhaps this covers my whole life journey in a nutshell. I am earnestly hoping/waiting to be FOUND. Whether it is the Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, or the Snow White fairy tale, the sleeping beauty has to be FOUND. Last night, I finished reading "THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HERE" by Cecelia Ahern. This book is AMAZING! I felt so much validation and so much more understanding about the way I am as a person while reading this story written as fiction. What had initially hooked me into the book was the very last paragraph at the end of the book. (I often read the end of a book first). I underlined and highlighted the words that impacted me the most. Cecelia wrote:

"We all get lost once in a while, sometimes by choice, sometimes due to forces beyond our control. When we learn what it is our soul needs to learn, the path presents itself. Sometimes we see the way out but wander farther and deeper despite ourselves; the fear, the anger, or the sadness preventing us from returning. Sometimes we prefer to be lost and wandering; sometimes it's easier. Sometimes we find our own way out. But regardless, always, we are found."

BUT REGARDLESS, ALWAYS, WE ARE FOUND. After I saw this, I felt a huge sense of relief and even more hope than I've had before.

This morning I opened a notebook consisting of articles I've been collecting and landed on "How to Stop Being Apathetic" by Teal Swan. This article describes me with a great deal of accuracy:

"Apathy is essentially the absence or suppression of enthusiasn, excitement, passion and inspiration."

.. (which I struggled with for most of my life). But mostly, these are the words that jumped off the page:

"The person who struggles with apathy has learned that it is not safe to want. Pretty soon, we have no motivation to speak of. We don't know what we want. We are lost."

Then Teal provided a link to the following video on YouTube. I enlarged it to full screen. There in front of me was a vision of a beautiful celestial angel explaining my life in a mere 22 minutes. After she says that if our mission in life is to find ourselves, the only way this can happen is to be LOST, I burst into tears. In my wildest dreams and in all my searching finally something makes sense! This is the word that describes the deepest despair that I've felt in my core -- the sensation of feeling LOST and the intense yearning to be FOUND... trying to figure out where I BELONG and who I AM... trying to figure out which words to add after I AM ... trying to figure out what I was missing that other people seemed to have. I know I am not the only one who feels this way because many of us are spiritually connected.

When the student is ready the teacher will appear... at least now I feel a sense of confidence that there is nothing wrong with the way I am... that my BEING is all about discovering and I can't discover unless there is SOMETHING to discover.

Now that I am much clearer on my life purpose, and now that I believe that I WILL BE FOUND, I feel incredibly HOPEFUL. Gosh! I wonder what it will FEEL like when I am finally FOUND! I also just realized that my subconscious had been giving me clues over the last few years ... when I decided to title one of my albums (songs) "FINDING MYSELF." Also, I absolutely love when a bunch of dots in the form of articles and books I read, conversations I have with people, videos I watch and listen to, etc. all come together with glorious synchronicity to birth an epiphany (one of Oprah's favorite words)!

Watch the following 22-minute video on YouTube by Teal Scott: "Feeling Lost and Ten Steps to Becoming Found." Then tell me in the comments below, if you are one of the lost ones seeking to be found.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIC1wHAYRO0

A Snow White Tale

I like how when I talk to people, I am often surprised by some of the things I end up saying -- in a good way. Wisdom I didn't know I had will come through in the words that I speak. Today I told someone that I had been asleep for 14 years.

Yes, I was dormant for about 14 years while I was on disability, unemployed, and lacked any kind of direction or goals for my life. As I was thinking about this, the Snow White tale came to my mind, and I began to wonder if this experience that I had was what the fairy tale was actually about. Maybe the tale didn't have anything to do with a human Princess and a Prince. Maybe it was metaphorical.

While I was dormant, I was apparently also 'asleep,' just as Snow White was asleep. Perhaps there had been a divine plan for me all along... that I was supposed to sleep for 14 years. But there was also a Fairy God Mother -- a woman I met in a Laundromat one day -- a psychic who told me that I was asleep and that it was time to wake up.

The 'Prince' who came along was the angelic, divine vision I received that sparked the explosion of mental, emotional, and spiritual growth that followed. And the seven dwarfs are the people who have been showing up in my life to take me to the next step of my journey. I have lost track of how many there have been… and if you are one of them, I am forever grateful.

I wonder how many other people are asleep… encased in a glass coffin… and I wonder how many others will receive the gift of awakening. Do you relate to what I wrote here? What are your thoughts? Please share in the comments below.

Time Management When You Have Too Much To Do & Limited Space

With all the new exciting things that have been happening in my life, all the notes I made for myself kept getting lost in the bottom of piles of... well... everything. I write things down everywhere because I forget things as quickly as I think of them and I want to have a notation I can go back to. Too many thoughts become information overload. Too many pieces of paper with notes on them becomes paper overload. I had hoped having a cell phone I could enter appointments and reminders into would be helpful, but alas, I forgot to write a lunch date down on my paper calendar which I had put in my phone and forgot all about it until they called to say "where are you?" (I amazed myself by getting dressed in five minutes.) Also, I began to get frustrated as evening would approach and I'd realize I had forgotten to do something that I really wanted to do (like make a phone call during business hours). Days fly by quickly and with the help of my smart phone, email, and Facebook, hours disappear. Does this sound like you?

After reading someone else's blog post about using different colored 3 x 3 inch sticky notes to organize their activities with their busy families, I bought a package of these multi-colored mini-sticky things. I made two pages of sticky notes on the blue pieces of paper I keep with my paper calendar. One for current asap things I need to do and the one behind it that can wait. Sometimes I take a sticky and stick on my calendar page on the date/time I hope to accomplish the task. By doing this, I only allow myself one thing to do at a time. If I can't get it done, I can move the note to another time slot. But otherwise, I just leave it all on the blue sheets of paper. Lavender for music related things, yellow for people I want to call, pink for phone calls I have to make. Green the tasks I volunteered to do so they are 'work' related (money is green so I relate green with work). Pink is related to writing (blog posts and books). Drats. This is work, too. Can I get paid in Pink? Blue is for things I hope to do SOON. The bright orange one is to remind me to find the long detailed to do list I typed up several months ago but can't remember what I typed it in (gmail or Word) or where I put the print out I made just in case I forgot where I typed it. :-/ I've been trying to be kind to myself by taking one little sticky note at a time to accomplish the one little task at a time and then experience the sense of accomplishment when I can wrinkle the itty bitty piece of paper up and throw it in the trash... unless it is for a task I do on a weekly or monthly basis in which case I can stick it on the paper behind the top one for when I need it again, which is what I like most about the sticky notes.

Now here's the thing. I don't know if I am normal or not when it comes to making lists that I promptly forget about, whether having a racing mind is an issue I need to be concerned about, or whether I am experiencing early signs of (I won't say the word so I won't convince myself I have it). Maybe the reason I chose bookkeeping for my line of work all those years ago is because it is very intensely focused and organized. There was income and there were expenses. Each type of each of these had their own columns and pages (back when bookkeeping was done with pen and ink on ledger sheets). Mmmm... I wonder if my attempt at organizing my life with little colored sticky notes is an attempt to departmentalize tasks in a similar way.

How about you? Have you found an organization tool that works for you? Do you like my idea? Please leave comments below. And, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Two Things I Learned About Love

Don't fall in love too fast: I have been reading about false attractions and why men disappear. When we first meet an interesting person, our brains respond to magnetic attraction by releasing chemicals that blind us to reality. Here I thought after all these years that I was stupid for falling for so many wrong guys, but now at least I know I have a normal brain. Your brain lies to you about everything once the love chemicals are triggered, so it is essential that you wait for the euphoria to subside before you decide whether the person you are with is a keeper. For men, this euphoria usually lasts for about 90 days. Suddenly it wears off and he can't remember why he was so attracted to you so he disappears. It is best not to respond to chemistry and take your clothes off for at least 90 days until the chemicals return to normal. I also learned that it is important for you to become the best person you can be on your own (self-love) and have an interesting fulfilling life outside of relationships so you don't become needy or boring, and that a man will respect a woman more if she takes care of herself. It is impossible for a man to provide a woman with everything she needs so if he thinks he can't give you what you need, he will withdraw or disappear. I also learned to make a man prove he is worthy of being your boyfriend before you decide he is. And compliment him on all the things he does right vs. complain about what he does wrong (you're supposed to do this with your children, too). I even learned that by hanging on a guy's every text and waiting for him to call and cancelling plans with friends to meet up with him, you actually energetically repel him. Do as many pleasurable things as you can for yourself (dance, sing, and party) and don't hang on whether he will text or call. And do everything in your power NOT to fantasize about the possibility of him being your Prince just after you meet him. I laugh at this one because I used to do this all the time.

Nerds & Free Spirits: I took Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace class where I learned about Nerds & Free Spirits, and how opposites have notoriously attracted each other. The Nerd keeps track of every penny spent and budgets money, while the Free Spirit has no concept of money and as long as there are checks in the checkbook or credit line on a credit card will spend on whatever they decide to spend it on. In relationships and marriages this often proves disastrous. I know for sure my Mom was a Nerd and my father was a Free Spirit. Money was a major source of stress in my family as my father was always buying new things that we could not afford. And I am a Nerd and most of my relationships have been with Free Spirits. At least now I understand why they did what they did without a clue of the consequence. The good news is that if you have survived in one of these relationships for this long, you can still learn to work together and compromise by taking Dave's course together.

Now that I've learned about these two dynamics of love, I no longer beat myself up for all the relationships including marriages that didn't work out. I just didn't know any better. They didn't either. It was more than just growing up in a dysfunctional family environment with parents who didn't know any better. Regardless who your relationships are with (friends, siblings, partners), there is always something new to learn about connecting at a deeper level. First, become aware. Then make a choice. Based on all that I've been reading about EVERYTHING, there is always something else to learn.

What are the most important things you've learned about love? Did this article give you ideas on how you might improve your relationships? How has this post inspired you? Please post your comments below.