Wednesday, April 13, 2011


I used to only talk to two kinds of people: ones who were strong and healthy, who could not relate in any way to what I was dealing with, and ones who were not dealing and were feeling as hopeless as I was. I didn’t know there was another category until recently… ones who have been afflicted their entire lives, sometimes from birth, and were living positive, happy, constructive lives.

This past week, I’ve been dealing with a flareup. One person I talked to advised me that if doing a load of laundry (elsewhere-don’t have a washer/dryer) feels overwhelming, take one shirt out the door. If I can handle one shirt, get a second shirt, etc. Seems counterproductive, but the concept hit home. If I can take one step, I can take another step. Just focus on the next task and get through one task at a time.

A second person I talked to told me about a skill she had learned when she was getting counseling for  her depression.  Every morning, think of 5 positive things and write them down. Last night, in the midst of hurting all over and still feeling sick with flu-like symptoms, I found a whole page of positive things I can be thankful for:  I am still breathing (did you ever see the movie “Still Breathing”?). My heart is still pumping blood throughout my body. I still have my original knees and hips. My skin is healthy. My organs are healthy. I can hear music and birds sing. I can feel the things that I touch. I still believe in possibilities. I still trust God to deliver me. I know I’ll have days when I feel good (past history proves this). I know God will continue to bring me miracles when I need them (past history proves this). God doesn’t give me any more than I can handle and gives me the strength to handle what I have (past history proves this).  I keep looking at the websites and blogs done by others who are making it in life despite chronic illness and limited abilities … I decided that I can, too.

In regards to the idea of having to move, I remembered the miraculous Exodus’ that God provided to me in the past… such as the one that brought me out to Texas. God told me when to start packing. Months later, I was given a date to leave. When that time came, help was available to pack up my pickup truck with the essentials (I only took what fit in the truck including one of 4 cats. Somehow I had the strength to drive for 3 days (2 nights at motels). When the wheelchair lift fell down (was welded on), it happened near a town where the right person was available to fix it for me. I made it out here.

When the time is right, another Exodus will come. Right now I may be wandering in the deserts of life, but anytime soon, an oasis will appear. Meanwhile, since my legs are not feeling very strong, I will take one step at a time instead of looking out across a vast desert and feeling like I’ll never cross it.
I may not be able to go out walking, but I can still BREATHE. I will try to learn a new skill at home in my bed … basic beginning Yoga which is one step further than meditation. Breathing will most likely bring my body back to life and at some point, I’ll be able to get out my door again. I still have food in my refrigerator, a comfortable place to sleep, beautiful music to listen to, the birds are singing outside…. I got through yesterday, I can get through today.

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