|Copyright (c) 2018 Renee Alter|
This is a photo of a tree in my neighborhood that was the last to come back to life this last Spring. I thought it was dead. What a surprise when it began to bloom as Summer arrived. This tree inspired me to contemplate on the subject of being a late bloomer... and not giving up on what appears to be dead... like my health and my spirit.
I was, indeed, a late bloomer. My mother reported that I never crawled on all fours... I just pulled myself along like a Comanche. All these years later, I decided to look up what this word meant.
A Comanche is a member of an American Indian people ranging from Wyoming and Nebraska south into New Mexico and northwestern Texas.
Mom loved Westerns and must have been thinking about how Indians dropped to the ground and quietly pulled themselves around on their bellies just before attacking their target, whether it was a human or an animal. Yes, this must be what she meant. I was also very quiet.
I was a late bloomer when it came to walking, too, finally finding my 'balance' at 15 months of age, although, I am still challenged with finding my balance. I'm sure the bifocals I used to wear and the medications I used to take affected my depth perception and balance as well. Finding a balance in life has always been challenging as well. In trying to prove my worthiness to others, I often pushed myself too hard, suffering the consequences later. Now I know I only need to prove worthiness to myself.
In life, I was a late bloomer in many more ways. While all the other girls were growing mounds on their chests, I didn't sprout any until much later. For a fearful, introverted, shy female, this didn't go well when I was 'assaulted' by the sneers and bullying of other students while in school. I didn't fit in anywhere (in school). I also continued to look like a middle schooler well on after I graduated high school. While my skin stayed young throughout my years, I can't say the same for my body. Autoimmune issues can do that to you.
In relationships, I was a late bloomer when relating to others. I was a good listener, felt compassion for others, but had no clue how to actually communicate. Instead, I withdrew into my own inner world, while my body turned against itself. As I read and studied more about human behavior and psychology over the last seven years, I began to understand both myself and others. I finally began to bloom.
All these years later, I realize I am a "normal" introvert with some extrovert tendencies. There is even a term for this: Ambivert. I spend most of my time in solitude, will not step foot into an event with a lot of people--preferring small groups, and after I am with a group of people, I need downtime to recover from the energy drain. Knowing there are many others who are similar makes a huge difference.
The term “ambivert” may be new to you, but it may also define and shed some light on your own personality traits. To simplify it, an ambivert is a person who has both introvert and extrovert qualities and may bounce between the two.