Saturday, March 9, 2019

Bipolar: My Extremes

About two weeks ago, I experienced a manic high idea explosion, not for the first time. When these occur, ideas (thoughts) race so quickly, I am unable to sit and be with any one of them long enough to take action. I also have flash visions of my completing them all. Maybe I have in an alternate life.

Due to memory issues, I'm sure I've written all these ideas down somewhere before, but who knows where. I've saved I think thousands of digital files in both downloads and on Pinterest.

I Googled "manic high idea explosion" and once again, (I do remember finding this before), I came across bipolar. My highs are "less than fully manic" -- known as the term "hypomanic."

"During an early manic phase of a bipolar condition, a person may become highly energetic, have a million ideas, become very talkative, stay up all night, ... and become very productive."

Hey, at least this statement puts a number on all the ideas I feel like I have. A million!

Plus, there is a marked "increase in goal-directed activity (purposeful behavior)" and sometimes,  "physical agitation." For the agitation, if I remember to do so, I will start Tapping (EFT) and use some essential oils.

For three days in a row, I woke up at 3 a.m. and couldn't go back to sleep. One of the known symptoms is "reduced sleep needs compared to normal." At least I know it won't last three months straight like it did in 2010.

I like this description: subjective sensation of racing thoughts (often called a "flight of ideas"). Yes, to a flight of ideas... they fly by at what feels like the speed of light.

I just ordered a blend of essential oils to help me focus. This next one describes my experience to a T: "distraction or derailment of thought occurring significantly more often than normal".

I'm sure you all know what happens when bipolar swings the opposite direction. Fibromyalgia can do the same thing. Two big ones for me are: "Finding it hard to make even simple decisions" and "feeling extremely tired." And when I am extremely tired aka fatigued, I don't feel like doing much of anything.

At the very worst, I have felt completely hopeless, inadequate, abandoned, and yes, twice that I can remember, I've considered ending my life.

Most recently, Abraham-Hicks came to the rescue by explaining that we all WANTED to incarnate in physical bodies here on earth because we desired to experience the creative process of manifestation with the power of our thoughts and emotions. If we end our lives, we will make the same decision all over again to come back for more. The key is to find FUN in as many activities as we can which will ALLOW the magic to happen. (Law of Allowing.) And if we find ourselves in a funk, climb up the emotional guidance scale one step at a time.

OK. I must admit that I have managed to manifest some amazing things, people, and situations in my life. Perhaps I decided this time to put a bit of spice on the process by experiencing bipolar episodes.

In the meantime, one of many books I've collected over time called my name as I looked at the bookshelf in the hallway. I must have had a feeling I would need it when I found it. And part of manifesting is divine timing.

Optimizing Brain Fitness by Professor Richard Restak is a transcript book from one of The Great Courses. I didn't have to read very far to find what I am challenged with:

"Just as an athlete cannot perform optimally without endurance, you cannot expect to achieve a superpower brain without being able to laser focus your mental energies. In order to do this, you must successfully manage 2 key factors in our current culture: distraction and multitasking."

Distraction? Multitasking? All day, every day! We live in a crazy, overwhelming time when information overload is intensified by social media.

Have no fear... on page 4, I found hope.

"Let's look briefly at 3 of the important functions we'll explore in this course. The first is attention, which means focusing the mind on one thing at a time."

I feel a sense of excitement at the prospect of learning how to focus on one thing at a time. :-) I also wonder whether it is at all possible.

Perhaps, I wanted more than the ability to create. Perhaps I yearned for knowledge. Each time I stumble upon something I am interested in learning, I feel inspired.

Oh, yes, I also want to learn how to read music, draw, create digital art (with a drawing pad that connects to a computer), and I want to do it all at the same time. Haha... good old hypomania!

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