Tuesday, May 12, 2015


Life is a journey, not a destination. My personal journey has been about self-discovery and I titled my first memoir, "Appearances: A Journey of Self-Discovery". I titled the sequel, "Love, Life, & God: Getting Past the Pain".

For the last year, I've been listening to a number of personal development seminars, book marketing seminars, and relationship seminars. The common denominator seems to be the necessity of developing self-confidence and self-esteem, areas I've struggled with for most of my life. In the area of relationships, I really wanted to identify the core blocks I knew were still lingering in my subconscious... and the only way to do this was to face them.

Many of my past relationships were abusive ones, and according to Law of Attraction, we attract to us a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. While I have been making strides in self-confidence with exercising, friendships, writing, and music, I became aware that I still was doing some self-loathing for allowing situations with some of the men I've been with to happen, which included rape and molestation. I knew self-loathing had to go, but how?

In listening to about half a dozen dating coaches talk about the issues many women face (and men, too), I kept asking myself, why did I allow those things to happen? 

I contemplated whether energetically, if I disliked myself that much, perhaps the men were doing what they felt they were supposed to do, which was treat me like crap because I believed I was crap. And I couldn't help wonder if I would have been treated the same way had I loved and accepted myself, physical challenges and all. 

I had agreed to doing things I didn't want to do out of the fear of being rejected. I let the resulting injuries linger for way too many years... and emotional baggage gets stored in your muscles. I swallowed a lot of pills to cope with pain in my muscles that I didn't realize were non-physical energetic emotional memories. 

Several years ago, I discovered EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). I did a 20 minute tapping sequence with Carol Tuttle to work through the symtoms of fibromyalgia relating to the car accident I was in when I was 21. A boy I was in love with had just broken up with me and I was devastated. When I was driving home, the fatique of the event along with CFS (after a bout of mono) resulted in my dozing at the wheel and I woke up just in time to see the car I was about to crash into.

In the EFT exercise, I tapped through all the emotions I was experiencing at the time of the car accident which released some of the emotional memory from my muscles. I definitely felt the difference. 

However, I couldn't find any EFT sequences for the other traumatic experiences... and so they lingered... until recently, when one of my sisters told me about Robert Smith's work with people who had been traumatized using a method called Faster EFT (Emotionally Focused Transformations). There are a number of YouTube videos demonstrating how Robert works with people on a variety of topics, including PTSD and rape. I copied the following paragraph from the FasterEFT website:

"FasterEFT is a methodology developed by Robert G. Smith after many years of studying and working with thousands of people. It is a collection of new cutting-edge techniques and processes that integrates the most effective elements of EFT, BSFF, NLP, spiritual understanding, science and the mind’s great ability to transform itself. One of the greatest aspects in FasterEFT is that it is fast, direct and to the point. It has a healthy and logical belief system that is easily accepted. With this great mix of understandings, FasterEFT can quickly transform how you represent your past, shift your emotional disruptions and restore your physical health."

In the meantime, I've been writing Fairy Tales. The most recent one is titled, "Twin Flame". I often experience the magic of spirit (God) talking to me through my fingers while they type on the keyboard. In this tale, an elder tells a soul who is in "heaven", that humans have to live certain life cycles to become mature souls, and we make contracts with other souls before we are born to work out relationship issues. 

And so I wondered... perhaps I had made contracts with the men who had hurt me and they were only doing what I had previously agreed to do. It's definitely time for me to let the pain of the past go and move on to new experiences.


  1. It is definitely time to let go of past hurts, and any time is the best time to do that. We can re-injure ourselves time and again; without realizing we are caught up in a re-play of the past. It was what it was, for whatever reason it was. But the past is a memory that can only live on as long as we agree to keep remembering and feeling it, through the same self-punishing eyes. Whether we hate and blame others, or we condemn our self, the result is the same. Surrounded by the resulting emotional field we continue to create, we suffer... and our bodies continue to be addicted to the surges of negative emotions.
    I agree that we would not even have walked into such situations, if we truly loved ourselves. AND we would also have re-acted to the same scenario differently. But what we have is now - another chance/ another moment - to forgive and love & surround ourselves in a new field. Things happen to hurting people, by hurting people. Each living their pain and suffering of the past, through eyes and actions of the present.
    When is it okay to get off the merry-go-round and say, 'I've had enough, thank you'. 'I am going to go on a different ride today'? I don't need to figure out this merry-go-round any more. I just need to find a ride that feels a little more fun. I wonder what a tea cup ride feels like? I wonder if I would like the ferris wheel? I wonder how I would feel if I stayed home today and did something nice for myself? or... I'm not feeling very brave, so I will just put my toe in the water and then walk on the sand and be/ feel this moment, here, for a little while.
    I personally think, for myself, that from where I stand now - I still don't have a big enough perspective to understand 'why' anything happened. And do I want to continue walking along, turned backward towards the past; and missing everything I might see if I turned around?

    1. Thank you for adding your words of wisdom to my post. We all can learn a lot from each other!

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.


Please leave a comment below.