Thursday, March 31, 2011


Yesterday, the flame on my physical, emotional, mental & spiritual candle burned out. I had no energy, my body began to hurt all over, my muscles tensed, and I fell back into the old pattern of feeling helpless and ashamed of the things I'd done when I was young, along with silent internal rage for having done them. When I get like this, I begin to wonder whether God really exists which is the absolutely the worst state of mind to be in. I got myself to my chiropractor to get neurologically reconnected, then went home to bed. I turned on K-LOVE radio (positive and encouraging) to drown out the self-sabataging inner voices, curled up into the fetal position (to feel safe), wrapped my arms around me (to feel held), and listened to the words on the radio. Since my head and my arms hurt, too, I couldn't hold a book or read inspiring words. I stayed in bed drifting in and out of sleep for about 12 hours, only rising to empty my bladder, or to write something that emerged from my inner voice. Words from the songs made their way into my core such as "if you fall again get back up" and "my sins are gone without a trace". I remembered that although the world may chew me up and spit me out, that God picks me up, brushes me off, and sends me gently back out into the world to try again. I was able to get reconnected. The following day, I came across a Video on YouTube called "A Message of Hope" and "Kim C. Lenard’s Journey" to feed my soul with and added the links to this site. Based on "A Message of Hope", I had connected to the despair of the planet and helped it to reconnect again. I have a tendency to take on the despairs of the world. Can I learn to recognize when I do, meditate love, and release that love back into the Universe?

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