Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Puzzle Pieces of Life

This morning, after I made my "to-do" list for the day, I began to feel tension fill up my shoulders, the back of my neck, and up into the back of my head. Oh, joy. Did I just create a chain reaction of resistance in my body? Isn't that what tension is? Unlike other times when I just had "flare-ups" with no known cause, I was very aware this time that I was resisting many of the tasks I wrote on this list. But once the tension came on, I was stuck with it. 

I might as well tell you what I've been thinking about this last week.

I've been comparing my life with jigsaw puzzles only on another level than what I described in the chapter titled "Jigsaw Puzzles" in my memoir, Appearances.

In November of 2015, during Black Friday, Amazon had sent me an email that their Amazon Fire tablet was on sale. I bought it. I absolutely LOVE it! Immediately, it found all the Kindle books I had on my older Kindle plus the Audible books I purchased. However, I rarely have time to read any Kindle books. I am too busy reading all the posts on Facebook along with all the emails I get in between trying to get all the tasks on my to-do list done. I have a bookcase full of books I rarely get to touch.

I get Facebook and emails on my Fire in a different format than on my computer which makes it easier to browse through them. I still have to return to my computer to share certain posts onto one of many Facebook pages I manage, but I can quickly check on family and close friends. It can't do EVERYTHING my computer can do, but it does a lot. 

While everyone else is using iPads and more expensive tablets, I am satisfied with my Fire. And for relaxation before bed, while I listen to an Audio book, it has jigsaw puzzles for me to do. You can do the puzzles at multiple levels of complexity 35, 70, 140, or 280 pieces. I started out with 70 and advanced to 140. I also do the same puzzles over and over again with the hope of being able to complete them a little faster.

I have never played a video game, but I'm sure these puzzles are an equivalent. I'm addicted. They allow my mind to zone out. When I am doing the puzzles, I'm unaware of my thoughts. Perhaps this is not a good thing. It's important to be aware of your thoughts so you can steer undesirable ones into positive ones.

When all the tasks on my to-do list get overwhelming, I have to go for a walk, visit a neighbor, shift gears... or do a puzzle. Maybe more than one puzzle. At night, when my brain won't shut off, I can do a puzzle or two as well. Oh-oh. Could I be developing Electronic Puzzle Syndrome?

Puzzles. I could easily divide all my tasks up on single puzzle pieces and then try to fit them all together.

For a while I went from writing lists to writing tasks on little sticky notes. Then I needed a change and wrote individual tasks on little pieces of paper. Recently I started with lists again. Maybe not a good idea.

With puzzles, I get to see what the finished picture is before I get started.

I have all these pieces (tasks) I've been taking on (volunteering, researching, studying, writing, promoting, publishing, etc.) but I can't see how they are all connected. Should they be? Yes, I know, "should" is one of the 10 forms of twisted thinking. I'll have to let that go.

I want to know... what does my finished picture LOOK like? Self-confidence? The feeling I get when the knowledge I acquire ends up helping someone I know or will soon meet? 

Is there a way to eliminate the pieces that don't belong in my picture? And if 140 pieces is too complex and stressful, what if I made my life a 70 piece puzzle instead? Or a 35? Or are there many finished puzzles with similar shaped pieces?

All the puzzles on my Fire tablet have the same shaped pieces even though there are different pictures so after awhile I become more familiar with them even though they are different colors and patterns. After I learn everything I am trying to learn right now, will it all become easier? Like the puzzles?

And then I saw it. Page 258 in Vianna Stibel's Theta Healing book. (Yes, I'm studying Theta Healing right now, too. -- Ooh! I am actually reading a real live book!) 

Vianna describes the Indigo child as follows:

"In major decisions an Indigo can become almost flighty. This is because they are born with many traits of an artist. They are easily confused about what they want to do in life, assuming that they have to pick only one specific career."

This has been me my entire life! No wonder!!!! Then I started to read more about Indigo Children. (Yes, more research.) The more I read about Indigo's the more I found me in this category of human beings. 

Years ago, when I first started to read information about Indigo Children (because I have extraordinary nieces and nephews as well as an extraordinary son), I had never entertained the notion that I could be one, too, which includes the following additional characteristics: 

I have always been sensitive to energy and hypersensitive even neurologically (with a label of Fibromyalgia). I was empathic as a child and took on all the intense emotions of my family members before I was old enough to realize I had been doing so. While other kids were being mean and pulling pranks, I never understood why. Weren't people supposed to be good? I felt like I landed on the #wrong planet and withdrew into my own little world.

Oh dear, now I'm getting caught up in adding another Label to my existence. But at least I really like this new one!!! It explains so much!! It makes me feel so much more NORMAL.

Does anything in my post resonate with you? Maybe you're an Indigo, too? Or a Gold, Silver, or Rainbow Child? Please comment below.