Sunday, June 25, 2017

Emotions and Rocks

Image from Bing
Yesterday morning I was fortunate to be able to participate in a two-hour Emotions Mentor pilot class as an introduction to a three-day expanded one. Teresa needed to give two of these in order to get her certification. The grand finale was a guided meditation which I wish I could have recorded. I will attempt to recall as much as I can.

Closing your eyes, you imagine you are about to embark on a journey to the top of a mountain. However, the backpack you brought with is filled with rocks. The road is long and the weight of the backpack drains your energy. 

You stop along the way, but only take one of the rocks out of the backpack before you continue on. It isn’t long before you are tired again from the weight of the backpack, once again choosing a rock to leave behind before you continue the journey.

This step is repeated multiple times.

Finally, you have let go of all the rocks you’ve brought with you and are able to climb to the top of the mountain.

Since I’ve been up in the mountains before, it was easy for me to imagine I was there.

What are these rocks? Subconscious beliefs about who you are, the conclusions you made during vulnerable moments when you were a child, and what you’re capable of accomplishing in life.

I knew some of the rocks I had let go of in previous years were my conclusions about the degrading words my father often spoke in our presence. I believed they were about me. I was worthless and unlovable. No matter how hard I tried, I was never good enough. 

I continued this pattern on in life attracting partners (and employers) I constantly strived to prove my worth to, resulting in perfectionism. I had to do everything I was asked to do and do it perfectly, putting my own needs last. I allowed circumstances to happen – no matter how uncomfortable – just for the sake of feeling I had value. My soul rebelled by manifesting illness and physical pain. It was my only perceived way out, even though the consequences were dire.

During this meditation, I discovered a new layer to my perceived subconscious money blocks. It helped that Teresa had shared how she had come to the conclusion that SHE wasn’t good enough when her mother said certain words. Yet, Teresa had carried the conclusion on into her adult life which ran as a background program in her subconscious mind. In her marriage, when she heard her husband say certain things, she lost her temper and walked out of the room. It turned out what her mother said meant something completely different and her husband didn’t mean what she made his words mean. Until she let go of her ROCKS, she was unable to become successful at what she does now. I greatly admired her transparency.

I’m in the meditation, walking the path, carrying rocks in my backpack, digesting the words Teresa had spoken when clarity began to surface.

Dad was the youngest child. He wanted to be as big and strong as his brothers. His older brothers did well in the world financially, while Dad didn’t. (Keep in mind Dad was challenged with Aspergers which he never figured out – we did after nephew Brett was diagnosed.) I often heard Dad talk about his brothers in derogatory ways regarding money and women. 

I had concluded based on these words that not only was it not OK to have money, it was not OK to be a WOMAN and have money, never mind be successful.

I have been looking up to the women who could get on a stage, earn thousands of dollars giving amazing speeches, putting them on pedestals, wishing I could get there, too. It’s why I joined Toastmasters. I’d be happy if I could even stand in front of a dozen people and speak. In Toastmasters, lots of women are getting on stages, doing workshops, and giving amazing speeches. Lots of women are highly sought after public speakers. 

YET, something – one or more rocks – continued to hold me back. I thought it was fear of losing the security of my disability benefits. Maybe this is still one of the rocks, but I think I discovered what the BIG one is  –  the subconscious belief that it is not OK for me to have lots of money or be successful.

I bought a bag of small flat shiny rocks yesterday afternoon for symbolism.

The meditation helped me realize which rocks I was still carrying.

What if I could leave behind the last of them? How far could I go?

What if YOU could leave behind the rocks you carry? How far could YOU go?

Note: Theta Belief Work, EFT, and Essential Oils are tools for letting go of rocks.

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