Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Finding Myself

Many times, I don't know what I want until I see it... and I want what this woman describes about herself in her video...

http://rites.iamavatar.org/sq/40689-the-rites-of-passage


transforming from a woman who has endured struggle and hardship in all aspects of life, believing that she is not good enough or smart enough, to experiencing complete self-love, joy, self-confidence, and utilizing everything she's learned to become someone who teaches others how to do what she has done. I've taken the first steps... I see my future self... I am excited about the journey that will take me there... 

TWICE this last week I came across information describing someone who is lost, wanting to be found. Perhaps this covers my whole life journey in a nut shell. I am earnestly hoping/waiting to be FOUND. Whether it is the Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, or the Snow White fairy tale, the sleeping beauty has to be FOUND. Last night, I finished reading "THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HERE" by Cecelia Ahern. This book is AMAZING! I felt so much validation and so much more understanding about the way I am as a person while reading this story written as fiction. What had initially hooked me into the book was the very last paragraph at the end of the book. (I often read the end of a book first). I underlined and highlighted the words that impacted me the most. Cecelia wrote: 

"We all get lost once in a while, sometimes by choice, sometimes due to forces beyond our control. When we learn what it is our soul needs to learn, the path presents itself. Sometimes we see the way out but wander farther and deeper despite ourselves; the fear, the anger, or the sadness preventing us from returning. Sometimes we prefer to be lost and wandering; sometimes it's easier. Sometimes we find our own way out. But regardless, always, we are found."  

BUT REGARDLESS, ALWAYS, WE ARE FOUND. After I saw this, I felt a huge sense of relief and even more hope than I've had before. 

This morning I opened a notebook consisting of articles I've been collecting and landed on "How to Stop Being Apathetic" by Teal Swan. This article describes me with a great deal of accuracy:

"Apathy is essentially the absence or suppression of enthusiasn, excitement, passion and inspiration".

.. (which I struggled with for most of my life).  But mostly, these are the words that jumped off the page: 

"The person who struggles with apathy has learned that it is not safe to want. Pretty soon, we have no motivation to speak of. We don't know what we want. We are lost.

Then Teal provided a link to the following video on YouTube. I enlarged it to full screen. There in front of me was a vision of a beautiful celestial angel explaining my life in a mere 22 minutes. After she says that if our mission in life is to find ourselves, the only way this can happen is to be LOST, I burst into tears. In my wildest dreams and in all my searching finally something makes sense! This is the word that describes the deepest despair that I've felt in my core -- the sensation of feeling LOST and the intense yearning to be FOUND ... trying to figure out where I BELONG and who I AM ... trying to figure out which words to add after I AM ... trying to figure out what I was missing that other people seemed to have. I know I am not the only one who feels this way, because many of us are spiritually connected.

When the student is ready the teacher will appear... at least now I feel a sense of confidence that there is nothing wrong with the way I am... that my BEING is all about discovering and I can't discover unless there is SOMETHING to discover.

Now that I am much clearer on my life purpose, and now that I believe that I WILL BE FOUND, I feel incredibly HOPEFUL. Gosh! I wonder what it will FEEL like when I am finally FOUND! I also just realized that my subconscious had been giving me clues over the last few years ... when I decided to title one of my albums (songs) "FINDING MYSELF." Also, I absolutely love when a bunch of dots in the form of articles and books I read, conversations I have with people, videos I watch and listen to, etc. all come together with glorious synchronicity to birth an epiphany (one of Oprah's favorite words)!

Watch the following 22 minute video on YouTube by Teal Scott: "Feeling Lost and Ten Steps to Becoming Found". Then tell me in the comments below, if you are one of the lost ones seeking to be found.

2 comments:

  1. I hope you keep writing, Renee. I love reading here. Also, I invite you to visit me at www.howtomovetheuniverse.com

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Jennifer. Perhaps we are two similar souls creating a way to express our transformational journeys. I will be checking out your website more extensively when I have more time as there is so much I want to read on your site.

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