Tuesday, April 5, 2011

OFF TO THE RACES

     After I stopped taking anti-depressants, Klonopin, muscle relaxers & Hydrocodone cold-turkey (after 15 years), my mind and body went into hyper mode which included 2 mths of euphoria. When the ephoria subsided, my mind started collecting every negative thought I ever thought and sending me crashing into anxiety attacks and tears.  If I had indeed “fractured” from all life’s traumas, each of these “personalities” started to fight with each other… and I definitely thought I would lose my mind. However, maybe it would have been a blessing if my mind did get lost for a while.
     The opportunity presented itself for a lot of healing. For months, trauma after trauma surfaced… some in gentle waves and some like cyclones.  One of my sisters began her training as a Life Coach and I let her use my situation to do her homework assignments. I also participated in a weekly discussion group on the topic of life cycles. Another ingredient was reading a lot of books written by other people who had gone through similar progression from dysfunction to fully functioning people. I found motivational speakers on Facebook, and I am re-learning to express myself with a new vocabulary.
      I believe I completed years worth of work in merely six months, but life is a journey, not a destination and, apparently, I am on a very complex one. 
      I came up with a way to deal with the racing mind thing. I divided my life into several college type classes such as Psychology, Philosophy, Religion, Natural Medicine, Outdoor Living (you get the idea). I trained myself to focus on one “class” at a time. It is not a good idea to be everywhere else but your car when you are driving.
     
   Today is a new day and I live one day at a time. I got through yesterday, I can get through today. No matter how bad it seems, it’s temporary. 

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